Crack team meme no dream

I thought it was just a cute turn of phrase, naming my doughty girls in the back office the bookofjoe crack research team, but it would appear that, like any good meme, it's spreading.

Just now I ordered a new fanny pack for the OR from backcountry.com and when I got to the page thanking me for my order received the message above.

Read the black print.

Be still

My heart.

What's in my fanny pack?

I never thought you'd ask.

Now that I think about it, it's kind of like that old "What's on your PowerBook?" campaign Apple ran back in the day.

OK, then, since you asked.

In the big compartment go:

• A hard case for my glasses because I don't use them except to drive — and even then I don't have to because I passed my most recent eye test without them

• A couple very small binder clips

• A couple rubber bands

• A couple paper clips

• A couple 3" x 5" cross–ruled yellow cards

• A Tootsie Roll pop (chocolate)

• Two Pilot G-2 07 black fine point gel pens

• A tank wrench (to open the emergency oxygen and nitrous oxide cylinders in case the OR piped gas system fails)

• A rubber tourniquet (in case I have to start an IV in the middle of a case)

• My wallet

• My car key

• My hotel room key

In the little compartment:

• My name tag (Dr. Stirt)

• A yellow cross–ruled 3" x 5" card with the super–secret numerical code that opens the doctor's dining room door (the code is 3-2-5 in case you're hungry and you're in the hood [literally, 'cause that's where the hospital's located, at 29th Street and Nine Mile Road in beautiful Richmond, Virginia]

• A Pilot G-2 07 Black fine point gel pen

I purchased this fanny pack:

It cost $24.95.

Reason I bought a new one is because I accidentally smelled my old one and almost passed out — it reeks.

I guess many happy years absorbing my panic–filled sweat trickling down the small of my back, soaking through my scrubs and into the fanny pack's back panel (the old one was from Patagonia — also red) finally took their toll.

R.I.P.