United Airlines Flight Attendants To Sell Retail Goods in Flight on Commission

This has been a big week for the airlines, what with all the new sources of revenue they've discovered: just Wednesday we learned that Air Canada now charges you $2 (U.S. or Canadian, I wonder?) to rent one of their lousy pillows for a flight.

But yesterday's story was much, much better in its overarching ridiculousness.

Bloomberg News reported that Ted, United Airlines' low–fare unit, is going to try to make up for the minuscule profit on each ticket by having its flight attendants become peddlers once the plane is aloft and you can't run away or close the door in their faces.

I am not making this up: you can read the news report here.

Here's the Bloomberg story in case you're too demoralized to click on the link.

United Unit to Sell Retail Goods in Flight

Ted, the low–fare unit of United Airlines, will begin selling items ranging from magic kits to sunglasses on about half of its flights starting December 1 [next Thursday].

The products, priced from $5 to $25, will be sold for cash on flights of more than 880 miles, or two and a half hours, a United spokeswoman, Jean Medina, said.

United, a unit of of the UAL Corporation, will be the only major carrier to sell retail goods during domestic flights.

Flight attendants will receive a 2% commission on each sale.

Other items to be sold on the Ted flights include bracelets, earrings, toothbrushes, greeting cards, coloring sets, Ted playing cards and chargers for BlackBerry pagers, Ms. Medina said.

Sara Nelson Dela Cruz, a spokeswoman for the Association of Flight Attendants at the carrier, said, United "would probably sell parts of the airplane if they thought it would increase revenue."

She added that the sales would be carried out "if there is time and if it does not interfere with our safety–related duties."

UAL expects to emerge from Chapter 11 bankruptcy sometime in February.

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Tell you what: as long as they're gonna turn their planes into flying bazaars they might as well hawk stuff like Whoopie cushions

and make some real money.