BehindTheMedspeak: A cure for an upset stomach you won't find in the Merck Manual

That's because I discovered it as a boy in Milwaukee and ever since have kept it to myself because it's kind of bizarre.

Long before I had any inkling that I'd become a doctor – heck, back then the only thing I wanted to be was a major league baseball player — I was already developing quack remedies.

What with all the talk about transparency these days I thought it was time to reveal a few of the very closely held family jewels.

So from time to time, when the mood strikes or I'm bored, I'm gonna drop a pearl here.

Without further ado then, bookofjoe's until–now–super-secret Upset Stomach Remedy™.

1) Go to the kitchen

2) Make sure you're alone

3) Lift your shirt so that your belly is exposed from your waist to your rib cage

4) Press your bare skin against the door of your refrigerator

5) Screaming as you do so helps because the cold metal door is a major shock

One application is almost always sufficient to eliminate your tummy trouble.

My theory about why it works is that the shock of the cold door instantly forces your brain to react to it, pulling nerve impulses away from your gut pathways.

Sort of how suddenly scaring someone with hiccups can stop them.

Think of it as a stomach defibrillator.

Before you laugh try it.

Then you can thank me.