Eyesseuse — 'If you ever open your eyes, this innovation is a must–have'

With a come–on like that how could anyone resist?

Certainly not gullible moi.

What have we here, then?

I think it's best to let the website do the res ipsa loquitur.

If you ever open your eyes, this innovation is a must-have.

Bid farewell to wrinkles, crow's feet, astigmatism and headaches behind the eyes.

Alleviate insomnia and eye fatigue with the Eyesseuse.

The eyes are the critical component of the nerve center, so you need your eyes to be in tip-top shape.

Yet we strain our eyes from spending hours in front of the computer, the TV or from reading.

Also, did you know the top of the eyes are an erogenous zone?

How would you like it if you lose a chance with that special someone because you have wrinkles, bags or rings?

You're not at your best too often, and that's why you need the Eyesseuse.

It nourishes the skin and promotes blood circulation by gently massaging the optic area.

You have the choice of air pressure, heat, vibration or magnetic therapy, and the Eyesseuse lets you either manually control the session or let a scientifically preset massage go to work for you.

You'll feel more relaxed, more alert and more attractive.

Treat yourself to an eyessage with the patented Eyesseuse.

5.5" x 3.5" x 1.5".

Weighs 1 lb.

I'm reminded of something a friend of mine is wont to say whenever I pipe up with some nonsensical idea: "Hey, Joe — are your eyes closed? 'Cause you must be dreaming."

Ha.

But I digressed, didn't I?

If the Eyesseuse does even a fraction of what it claims to it's a steal at $59.95.