'Wonder Bread Unveils Whole Wheat Loaf'

Is nothing sacred?

The last of the iconic food products that are no good for you but satisfy mightily has yielded to the nutrition police.

Yesterday's introduction of two new new whole–wheat versions of Wonder Bread's venerable flagship — since 1921 the closest thing in the kitchen to edible aerogel (below) — puts paid to an era.

Read versions of the sad story here, here and here.

Me, I'm heading for the kitchen to make an old–fashioned peanut butter & jelly sandwich — Jif extra crunchy, Welch's grape jelly and two albino–white, weightless slices of Wonder Bread in its original incarnation.

You will take my original Wonder Bread away from me only by prying the flattened slices from my cold dead sticky fingers.

Which is patently impossible since the bread will disintegrate like the Mission Impossible message tape as soon as you attempt to manipulate it.