BehindTheMedspeak: Bad breath and tongue cleansing

There are seemingly infinitely many devices, techniques and substances purported to clean your tongue and eliminate or at least mitigate bad breath.

The fact there are so many means none of them are much good.

Just as good money drives out bad, one good medical solution eliminates all the other pretenders and wanna-be's.

Consider for a moment the hundreds of remedies for hiccups — none of which work with the same certainty removing an inflamed appendix will cure appendicitis.

But I digress.

The source of bad breath is indeed, in most cases, the tongue.

There's little doubt of that.

The problem is that the area from which the foul smells emanate is at the very base of the tongue, where thick mucus accumulates to harbor the odor-causing bacteria.

You can't get at that area because approaching it with a foreign body like a scraper or cleaning tool triggers your gag reflex, if you're healthy.

It's a protective mechanism from deep time to prevent your inhaling or aspirating something potentially dangerous or harmful.

The tongue scrapers sold as panaceas will definitely clean the visible area of your tongue, but that's not where the problem is.

Sure, your tongue will look all nice and pink afterward but it's purely cosmetic.

Not that cosmetic improvement is to be scoffed at.

For the purpose of such tongue lifts I recommend the Oolitt tongue scraper (above and below).

It's cheap ($1.40 here), effective and easy and comfortable to use.

Note that you're supposed to employ it prior to brushing your teeth rather than after: I've been using this device for many years but the wrong way — after brushing — until I carefully read the instructions on the package insert last night, to wit: "Use twice daily before brushing teeth."

Doh!

You can get at the unreachable area at your tongue base and clean it up, by the way.

And you don't have to spend a zillion dollars to do so.

The active ingredient in every single bad breath treatment program is hydrogen peroxide.

Simple, cheap hydrogen peroxide, in the brown plastic bottle that's available at grocery stores, drug stores, 7-Eleven, everywhere, for 69 cents or so a bottle.

Buy a bottle next time you're at the store, then follow these steps:

1) In the morning, before you brush your teeth, take a swig of the hydrogen peroxide — but don't swallow it.*

2) Tip your head back with your mouth open so that the stuff pools at the base of your throat.

3) Do this in a quiet place and if you listen carefully you'll hear faint fizzing from inside your mouth that sounds like soda (I pretend those are the cries of the dying bacteria).

4) Keep your head back like that for 15 seconds or so, then spit the stuff out.

Within two weeks your breath will be fresher — or I will refund (cheerfully, as always) every penny you paid for your peroxide.

And you can take that to the bank.

*Don't worry if you swallow it — it's not toxic and won't make you sick.

I'm not saying you should drink the whole bottle, mind you.