'World's Fastest Outhouse Craps Out' — An Al Christensen Exclusive!

Not too many things get me excited enough to use an exclamation point, much less put one in a headline, but bringing you this world exclusive from my crack North Carolina correspondent Al Christensen certainly is one of them.

Here's his dispatch, filed late last evening.

World's Fastest Outhouse Craps Out

There were a few men without shirts and women without teeth at the Circle K Back-to-School Monster Truck Bash, but most of the crowd were just ordinary families out to watch machinery bust itself up. They were not disappointed.

The show at The Dirt Track at Lowe's Motor Speedway, Concord, North Carolina, featured the headlining monster trucks, "crash car" racing, and a special appearance by Port-O-Jet: the World’s Fastest Outhouse. That’s why I was there. No matter how urbane one considers oneself, one must not pass on a chance to witness a jet powered biffy. That alone would be well worth $25 and a couple hours of my life.

Things got off to a bang, literally, as a monster truck did an unchoreographed midair half barrel roll and landed on its top. The crash cars lived up to their name, though not as spectacularly as the trucks.

After a few rounds of trucks and cars, it was time for Port-O-Jet to do one of its tricks: set a junk car on fire



with its afterburner.



Noise! Smoke! Flame! The stench of burning rubber! Yes sir.

Finally, it was time for Port-O-Jet to attempt to break its own land speed record, which was 50-something miles per hour. This would be a good trick, given the outhouse's small tires, short wheelbase and the rough clay track. Add its non-aerodynamic shape, and there was serious doubt it could stay on course or upright.

Port-O-Jet belched clouds of white smoke as it tried to light up. The PA announcer vamped as best he could. This is the tease, right? More smoke, a short foof, a pop, and more smoke and... Well, watch it yourself.

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That's right: not only am I bringing you the above world exclusive along with Al's great pictures, but our intrepid reporter also shot a superb movie for us to enjoy.

Click the pic up top and off we go....

Note to file: send Al a fat check.