Note to Campbell's Soup: How to save your company

As the decades rolled by, with seemingly every single-use canned product on the planet converting first to Ring Pull Tops and then adopting today's ubiquitous Stay-On Tab tops, Campbell's Soups stayed stubbornly anchored to their past.

No opener?

No soup for you.

A few years ago they woke up and smelled the eroding profits.

Of course, by then the business had collapsed.

So here's my two cents worth, for what it's worth (huh?), re: how to revive your moribund business:

1) Consider your flagship canned condensed soup line. You're always tarting up the labels and taking better pictures of what the contents might look like in a dream world, but guess what? Nobody cares.

2) All I think about when it's time for soup is, am I willing to go through the pain-in-the-butt trouble of getting a spoon and scraping out the can's contents into the bowl or pot before I nuke it?

3) Often, the answer is no.

4) Why?

5) Because my very most favorite Campbell's Soup variety on the planet is Cream of Celery — and Cream of Celery has the consistency of thick rice pudding.

6) Who needs that?

7) Not me. Next slide — and stick a burrito in while you're at it.

Here's the million-dollar idea: beat the Japanese and figure out a way to make the soup slide out en bloc from the can, without requiring a spoon.

Bonus, for a billion more: make the condensed soup somehow liquify upon contact with the added can of water, obviating the need for a whisk to de-lump it.

And that's all I have to say about that.