bookofjoe MoneyMaker — GutterBall™ Episode 2: Still waiting

Nearly two years ago I had an epiphany.

Apparently no one was listening 'cause nothing's changed.

I just came in from another unpleasant session mucking out my gutters.

And that's just the ones on the front of my house, which I can access with a 10-foot ladder.

The one in back is about 30 feet above my concrete patio and there's no way I'm touching it: Meriweather Mowing comes by twice a year and their team clears it.

Trouble is, about five days after they've gone, one end is already filled with leaves and branches from the giant trees adjacent, and it's spillover city whenever it rains from then on, with a little water in the basement to remind me of my failure to launch drainage.

Up front I've got two supposed remedies in place, on one side these:

and on the other these:

The flat ones work pretty well — at least, there's no water dripping down six inches in front of my windows on that side when it pours — but the caterpiller manqués are just not cutting it.

They clog up after a few months and require manual disimpaction, with the accompanying spray of mud and dirty water and tree bits into my eyes, mouth and hair, along with the usual quota of hand and arm cuts sustained while pulling them out and then replacing them after hand-clearing the gutters.

So here's the MoneyMaker™: A ball about the size of a golf ball with the following qualities:

• Surface covered with tough microabrasive material in the form of tiny teeth or serrations too small to hurt a person or break skin

• Sealed internal motor that keeps the ball silently, slowly moving back and forth inside the gutter, from morning to night and perhaps 24/7 if the power management is ideal

• Solar powered so it never needs batteries

• Sealed and waterproof

With constant mincing of gutter contents into tiny particles that will wash right out in the rain, this is an invention whose time has come.

The robotics and solar powered drive train, together with the other requirements noted, would make this pricey: I'd pay $100 for one.

In fact, give me two: one for the upper gutter and one for the two in front — for now, at least, I'll move the GutterBall™ from one side to the other on the first of the month.

Oh, yeah: You can have the name gratis.

It's what we do.

And yes — I realize that cage or screen inserts into the downspout openings will be required to prevent the precious ball from taking a dive into the sewer system along with the gutter contents.