Ropeless Jump Rope (WWWD*)

The signs have been there for quite some time, actually: consider the size of the piece of "cheese" in a McDonald's Filet-O-Fish sandwich.

Back in the day it was the same size as the piece of "fish."

Then it began contracting, to the point where today's iteration is about the size of a stick of gum.

It's also gotten thinner, such that some days it's not even perceptible, instead vanishing into a sort of orange mist on the inner surface of the bun.

Eventually it will simply be a a cheese-flavored Listerine Breath Strip-like add-on.

But enough of that — let's get to the jump rope that never was.

From the website:

Ropeless Jump Rope

This ropeless jump rope allows you to skip rope in limited space indoors and will not interrupt the flow of your workout routine by getting caught in your feet.

You input your height and weight into the device and the LCD on one of the handheld units informs you of calories burned, jump repetitions and exercise time,

The device also has a "talking" mode that informs you of exercise progress.

Part of the training regimen of professional boxers and Olympic wrestlers, jumping rope exercises your cardiovascular system while exerting less stress on knees than jogging and strengthens your arms and shoulders.

Ten minutes of jumping rope can burn as many calories as running an eight minute mile.

Features:

• The handles of each unit have three 2-1/2-oz. removable weight inserts

• A snapping sound occurs with every jump to help you maintain proper jumping rhythm

• The unit comes with a workout DVD and bag for ease of travel.

• 10"L x 1"W

..................

A finalist for the year's best euphemism for "won't make you fall flat on your face and fracture your skull, resulting in a subdural hematoma that will result in the trip to the neurosurgery operating suite where me and my ilk will get involved":

"... will not interrupt the flow of your workout routine by getting caught in your feet."

Ha.

$59.95.

*What would Wittgenstein do?