Helpful Hints from joeeze: 3 things I've learned about bathrooms over the years

Hey, for a minute there I thought this feature had taken a powder.

Good to see it again, whoever's responsible for stuff like that.

Wait a minute....

"Help the bombardier!"

"I'm the bombardier, I'm all right."

Got it.

Anyway.

Where was I?

Mushrooms, yeah, things I've learned from mushrooms.

That's not it?

Doh.

Okay, restart.

1) If at all possible when remodeling or building, put a drain not just in the shower/tub enclosure but in the floor as well.

Because the question is not if but when your toilet will overflow.

Trust me on this.

And even if your toilet never, ever overflows, and your — yo, joe, can't say that here, you know better... well, you know what I was gonna say, don't you? — it'll be a lot easier to just hose down your bathroom floor every now and again to get it spiffy, eat-off-it clean than getting down on your hands and knees once in a blue moon to scrub it as best you can until you get tired and disgusted with the whole project.

That's when you're glad to have a small bathroom.

But I digress again.

2) If you choose a tile enclosure for your shower/tub, make the tiles as large as you can tolerate esthetically.

Consider that 12" x 12" tiles have only 1/3 the seams to get grungy looking compared to 4" x 4" tiles.

I wish I could redo my shower again.

The people who rebuilt it from the rotted wood framing in did a spectacular job: I've got no quarrel with their very fine workmanship, ten years later.

Cost me about $2,500 for the job, as I recall.

Money well spent, considering the miserable state it was in previously.

But scrubbing those myriad grouted lines gets oh so old and I'm only just getting started, besides my arms getting really tired and the whole thing becoming such a bore.

I might even bag the tiles next time around.

3) When you're remodeling or building, make certain to put in a ceiling vent fan, even if the bathroom has a window/windows.

Because guess what?

Sometimes it gets really cold or hot outside and you don't want to open the window after you've steamed up the bathroom.

And make sure to put the fan right above the shower/tub enclosure rather than outside it.

Think about it: Where's the bulk of the steam want to go?

Straight up — so help it.

And while you're making plans for that fan, make certain it's really powerful and that the vent pipe is plenty large, not some dinky broomstick-sized thing that can't carry jack.

Put a cover on the pipe top so large creatures don't make their way down to join you in the tub.

Don't even think about venting it into the attic.

And that's all I have to say about bathrooms.

Full disclosure: This post was composed while listening to endless repeats of The Who's "Magic Bus," on the "Live at Leeds" album.

Truly one of the all-time great tracks, especially where Roger Daltrey starts laughing in the middle of the song after he says, "Too much."

"Well you can't have it."