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May 03, 2008
Certain things are better left until tomorrow
From time to time I'll get a phone call that caller ID says is from a number that could offer good or bad news.
When such calls come in the late afternoon, not only do I not answer the phone, but I also don't listen to the message until the next day.
Why?
Seems obvious to me: I can choose to believe the news is good, which is as good as if it were true.
If the news is bad, how much better to have a pleasant evening and find out the next day that things didn't work out.
This is in the same spirit as my good friend who's a neurologist in private practice and occasionally has to tell a patient they've got a progressive, incurable disease.
He never gives this kind of news on a Friday or before a holiday, believing that even one more good weekend without the knowledge that the individual is doomed is the least he can do for the poor soul.
Why aren't all doctors like this?
Because I know most aren't.
May 3, 2008 at 04:01 PM | Permalink
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Comments
This is impossible, of course.
One tactic can't possibly be best, or right, for all people. Unless there is some prior agreement with a physician -- "don't tell me bad news, I don't want to know"; "tell me everything, no matter how bad, the instant you have the information" -- it's probably just as well to pick one.
People can't even be certain about their own reaction when confronted with devastating news; all the theorizing and what-ifing in the world can't totally prepare for the actual experience. You can always count on the big pointy stick of life to stir up all kinds of surprises to the top.
And, also? We're all, every last one of us, ultimately, poor souls -- I don't care how much youth, age, vim, vigor, wisdom, accomplishment, education, cosmic enlightenment or plenty o' nuthin you got. I'd just say, don't take anything for granite. (My daddy used to say that all the time.)
Posted by: Flautist | May 4, 2008 5:00:22 PM
I'm with a friend of mine, who once remarked that "a phone call is an INVITATION to talk".
Posted by: anan | May 4, 2008 10:41:29 AM
You have to find out sometime -- so why not as soon as possible? The only time to delay is when not telling at all is the best decision, and thus, you don't say anything.
Put it this way, when I had a near fatal illness a few years ago, I would have been ANGRY if someone decided to have me wait a couple of days to find out. I needed to have a decision about what was happening, not a passive physician that didn't want to ruin my weekend. Guess what? My weekend was ruined before he said anything -- it was not the knowledge of the illness that ruined it...it was the illness.
Honestly, when I thought it was going to be the end, I decided not to let things pass me by and live my life. It was freeing. Sure, it was painful to hear the news, but it got me to the decision that I needed to live much sooner. I feel I have lived more of my life because someone told me as soon as they knew. And in the end -- the desire to do this was what saved me.
Life is too short as it is to worry...and sometimes we all need a kick in the ass to realize we only have one life and need to use it.
Posted by: clifyt | May 3, 2008 9:07:41 PM
