Theoretical Exercise Machine

The perfect 21st-century companion to Charles Babbage's magnificent 19th-century Difference Engine.

Steampunkers, rejoice: physical education is at hand.

Yo, joe: what about the 20th century — didn't stuff happen then?

Nothing worth remarking on, Grasshopper.

But I digress.

I cannot take credit for this wonderful invention.

Rather, all possible love is now and forever directed to one Marijean Jaggers, a fellow resident of my Podunk town and blogger par excellence at stlworkingmom.com, "one working mom's survival guide, parental ponderings and frustrating failures."

I happened on her neologism in the penultimate paragraph of an interview with her by Erika Howsare which appears in the current issue of Abode, an insert that accompanied today's New York Times.

What are the defining characteristics of a Theoretical Exercise Machine?

I thought you'd never ask.

1) It exists only virtually — any attempt to render it beyond pixels and their ilk voids the warranty and ends in tears

2) You can use it anywhere, anytime — even during boring meetings when everyone's texting below the conference table

3) If your mirror neurons are well enough developed, you will notice the pounds melting off before you can say Bob's your uncle

I mean, if mirror neurons really are "a recently discovered system in the brain [that] may help explain why we humans can get so worked up watching other people," it only follows that we can get worked out as well.

Right?