bookofjoe

Take a ride on the 'If Only' train

Verlyn Klinkenborg is your conductor: "All aboard!"

The ‘If Only’ Train

This morning, I heard the subway train pulling up to the platform as I was going down the station steps. I came through the turnstile as the doors were closing, just in time to watch the train pull away without me. Whenever that happens, I find myself thinking, “If only ...” If only I’d taken a shorter shower or walked a little faster or crossed against the light, I’d have made that train.

Somehow, I always imagine that missing the train is the result of a single delay, not the loss of a second here and a second there since the alarm first went off. Perhaps I’d have caught that train if I’d gone to bed a few minutes earlier the night before. And while I stand on the platform, waiting for the next train, I have time to ponder the significance of the train that just pulled out. I can’t help feeling that if I’d caught that train, I’d already be in the future — and not the future I’ll eventually enter by hanging out in the present until the next train comes. How much better or worse that future would be I can’t really say.

This, of course, leads to another thought. Over the past 30 years, I’ve missed lots of “if only” trains in the New York subway system. What if I’d caught one of them, say, 25 years ago? Where would I be now? And what about the trains I made by a hair all these years? Surely those were almost “if only” trains. Because I caught them I must already be in a different future than I would have been had I missed them and gotten stuck in the present back in the past. Time travel is so confusing, even on the Broadway local.

If I were a different kind of person, I might have found myself thinking that I was destined to miss this morning’s train. But as it is, I believe in chance, the thoroughly entangled skein of microscopic events — the seconds here and seconds there — out of which our lives are shaped. If I believed in fate, I would be happy to have missed that train, knowing that it was all part of the plan. Instead, I stand there on the edge of the platform thinking “if only,” and looking into the dark of the tunnel for the lights of the next train, which someone, somewhere up the line, has just missed by a hair.

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Underrated movie.

USB Airplane Fan

From the website:

Airplane Fan

Plug this clever aircraft into your computer’s USB port and its soft propeller spins, keeping your workspace cool and comfy.

Features on/off switch, 41"-long cord and stationary rubber wheels that won’t scratch desktop.

Cute single-engine tail dragger works with PC or Mac.

3-1/2"W x 3"H x3"D.

Plastic.

$19.99.

Alain Ducasse's bread line — Brother, can you spare a buck?

How to else to explain the appearance of a $1 appetizer (above) on the menu of multi-Michelin-starred chef Alain Ducasse's New York City bistro Benoit (below)?

"The 'egg mayo,' on the menu since the April opening, resembles a deviled egg and comes with a slice of toasted French bed and a lettuce leaf," wrote Jerry Shriver in an item in today's USA Today.

Half the egg is hard cooked, the other half deviled, with a dollop of mayo on the side.

Don't get your baggies in a twist heading over there thinking that's a foretaste of things to come: the other appetizers average $14 a pop.

Magnetic Cork Trivet

Clever mashup.

From the website:

Magnetic Cork Trivet

Magnetic trivet firmly secures to hot pots and pans so when you pass them around, the trivet travels along.

Heat-resistant cork stays cool and adheres to any pot or pan that attracts a magnet, including cast iron, stainless steel and induction cookware.

8.5"Ø.

$7.49.

What is it?

Answer here this time tomorrow.

MicroForce: World's first underwater shaver

I just glanced up at the muted TV above the treadmill/laptop and saw what appeared to be a guy shaving underwater, in someone's swimming pool.

That's different, I thought.

Though not necessarily what I'd want people doing in my pool, if I had one.

It's true, I've done worse.

But I digress.

I had my crack research team investigate and sure enough, ShavePro's MicroForce razor does indeed work underwater — though they don't recommend it as S.O.P.

$19.99.

Part One: Life (CXXVI) — by Emily Dickinson

The brain is wider than the sky,
For, put them side by side,
The one the other will include
With ease, and you beside.

The brain is deeper than the sea,
For, hold them, blue to blue,
The one the other will absorb,
As sponges, buckets do.

The brain is just the weight of God,
For, lift them, pound for pound,
And they will differ, if they do,
As syllable from sound.

Outlet Switch

Think outside the outlet space — say, between an extension cord and a device connected to it.

So obvious you wonder how come it took until 2008 to surface.

From the website:

Outlet Switch

Outlet switch lets you control power with the flick of a switch.

Tired of unplugging appliances when you leave the house?

Handy adapter has an illuminated on/off switch on top — when you want to shut off power, simply press “off”; to restore, just press "on.”

Ideal for toasters, irons, coffee pots, lamps and more.

1¾"L x 1½"W x 1¼"H.

Fits any wall outlet.

$4.98.