Woody Allen v American Apparel: For such a smart guy he sure does some dumb things

No need to dredge up the past here, let's stay focused on the here and now, shall we?

Long story short: Last year he sued American Apparel for using his image on billboards in New York and Los Angeles (above) without permission.

Now comes Stuart Slotnick, a lawyer for American Apparel, promising a "scorched earth" cross-examination of Allen that will lift the rock on Allen's messy past personal life.

Said Slotnick to the Associated Press, "Certainly, our believe is that after the various sex scandals that Woody Allen has been associated with, corporate America's desire to have Woody Allen endorse their product is not what he may believe it is."

Slotnick's got a point: I must say I see a lot more TV commercials featuring LeBron than ones with Allen.

Of course, you're prolly not gonna see a Woody Allen commercial during ESPN's coverage of the NFL Draft or during the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Jeez, Allen's 73 years old.

Doesn't he realize he's got much better things to do with his remaining time than respond to interrogatories and appear at depositions?

He needs to go to his library and dust off his Voltaire.

If he takes my advice (and why shouldn't he? I'm not using it...) he'll find this wonderful observation from the Frenchman:

"I was never ruined but twice in my life: once, when I lost a lawsuit — and once, when I won one."

I fear Allen's instead taking the path of his geriatric fellow-travelers Carl Icahn and Kirk Kerkorian, in what will inevitably be yet another confirmation of the truth of a Buddhist saying, to wit:

"Those who live by the water, die by the water."

I mean, if Allen hadn't had a hissy fit I'd never have searched Google for a good picture of the billboard that caused the kerfuffle and happened on the far more amusing ad below.

Just like "it's not the crime, it's the cover-up," it's not the act but, rather, the response that makes something like this go viral.