October 04, 2012
Gory Body Parts Lollipops — "It's now OK to lick your parts"
From Laughing Squid: "Suck on a finger, eyeball, brain, or heart — because that's what lollipops are for!"
"The Gory Body Parts Lollipop Set consists of a tiny pink brain (Watermelon), a red heart (Cherry), a green zombie finger (Apple), and an eyeball (Fruit Punch)."
From Think Geek: "Gory Body Parts Lollipops are a delicious way to gross out people while using your tongue. They also make great gifts for all sorts of parties (with the possible exception of funerals, depending on the guests involved)."
Set of four: $9.99.
6 failed (but very popular) technologies
1. Bluetooth — connection always iffy.
2. Texting — why bother when email goes everywhere?
3. Twitter Direct Messages — way too clunky and fussy and broken half the time.
4. Online banking — great until DDOS attacks like last weekend bring down websites and you can't access your money.
5. Voice mail — insanely difficult/confusing branching option trees; most people don't even bother listening but delete them unheard.
6. Electronic medical records — doctors can't use them because they're too complex and difficult to navigate. Boondoggle making a fortune for tech companies forcing them down our collective throats. Not to mention worst aspect: vulnerability to hacking/subsequent irretrievable public release.
Smartphone Cute Bow Tie Earphone Jack Dust Plug/Cap
iPhone not included.
"People like you shouldn't be allowed to buy an iPhone 5"
That's one of the few sentences I can quote here (due to the G-rated/Disney-approved nature of this site) from an email I received yesterday from one ticked-off reader in response to my post about my still-dormant iPhone 5 (above and below, yesterday, on my front step along with Gray Cat and the day's New York Times as proof of temporal status).
Turns out that same reader had been initially irked last Saturday when I noted that my phone had been delivered three days earlier — on Wednesday, September 26 — and that I had no intention of turning it on anytime soon.
Below, Gray Cat gaining sentience while she napped next to the black monolith late last Saturday night.
Sawblade Throwing Disc — Oddjob, call your office
From The Green Head: "Realistically forged from soft foam with a little bit of appropriate fake blood painted on, this 10-inch-diameter disc is great for a nice game of catch, a Halloween costume accessory, or just scaring the life out of someone when you toss it their way unexpectedly."
I am a victim of iUniverse
Below, the text of the post I placed on iUniverse's Facebook page this morning.
Why are we not surprised it has since been taken down?
Through the miracle of the screenshot, it lives on for eternity.
I am a victim of iUniverse.
I am an author who paid iUniverse to help self-publish my book in 2002. iUniverse converted it to an eBook (without asking for permission or telling me after the fact), then offered it for sale on many eBookstore sites without asking me for permission. Worse: their conversion of my ink-on-paper book to an eBook format rendered it unintelligible gibberish. Not knowing what iUniverse had done, last year I hired a professional editor at a cost of over $1,000 to convert my book to eBook format, then put it up for sale as a Kindle book. Amazon just informed me that it will NOT allow me to join its preferred author KDP Select program because "books enrolled in KDP Select must be exclusive to Amazon while enrolled in the program" and my book — "Quantations" — is for sale in Barnes & Noble's store.
Compounding the failure by iUniverse is the fact that four weeks ago I contacted the company and spoke at great length with Desirée Acosta, Senior Production Manager, who promised to remove my unauthorized book from all eBookstores ASAP. As of this morning my book remains available on Barnes & Noble's site and an email from Amazon yesterday informed me that "In order for your book to remain in the program, we'll need you to ensure that it is exclusive to Amazon within 10 days from the date of this email. If, after this 10-day period your book is still not not exclusive, it will remain for sale in the Kindle Store, but will be removed from KDP Select."
Even worse: Ms. Acosta is on vacation so there is no one at iUniverse to take action.
I have retained a world-class copyright lawyer to represent me going forward from this moment. There will be blood. Bad blood. Count on it.
An aside: I wonder how many other books have been converted to eBook format by iUniverse without asking the authors for permission or informing them?
Might be an interesting rock to look under for an ambitious investigative reporter who wants to add a Pulitzer Prize to her/his resumé.
Just a thought.
Huffington Post Cheese Puffs Throwdown — 9 bags enter, 1 bag leaves
Sometimes you know the results before the ballot ("sentence first — verdict afterwards") but let's give credit where credit is due, in this case to the Huffington Post for buying nine (9) different brands of cheese puffs and then doing a blind tasting to determine the very best one on the planet.
No one who's experienced the exquisite pleasure of licking the fluorescent orange dreck adhering to their eating fingers after inhaling a bag of Cheetos will be surprised at the outcome of the contest: A knockout in the ninth round by Frito-Lay's Big Orange (top).
I feel sorry for the people who, in the name of objective journalism, had to eat competitors from such pretenders as Whole Foods 365, Gibbles, Utz, and Garden of Eden.
Garden of Eden and its ilk making cheese puffs – or any junk food — fall into the same leaky boat as companies hawking veggie burgers and trying to convince us they taste just as good as the real deal: not likely any time soon.
Sesame Street Big Bird Pumps and last night's Presidential Debate
I don't want to claim that I have a mole in the Romney camp but it's hard not to wonder, isn't it, after my first post yesterday morning featured Phoebe Philo's Sesame Street Big Bird Pumps (above) for Céline?
Romney's Big Bird debate moment:
Over to you.