January 10, 2013
"ENOUGH!" — by Harry Bliss
Above, my favorite cartoon of the young year, by long-time New Yorker cartoonist Harry Bliss, from the January 7, 2013 issue.
Breakfast Rings — Put me down for the Full English
From the website:
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
We agree, and with these fabulous rings on your fingers you can keep that morning momentum all day long.
All food is handmade from polymer clay and mounted on ceramic plates.
• Full English
One size fits all.
Apiece, $22 CAD (Jewelry).
We get email: Dillon Burroughs, inventor of the Aerating Wine Glass, fires a shot across my bow
Above, an email he sent me yesterday.
Your wish is my demand — wait a sec... that's not right.
No matter, let's move on.
Here's a link to the January 22, 2012 post (below)
Burroughs is alluding to.
I wonder what the folks running 7Gadgets and OhGizmo — the websites where the glass first appeared, which I linked to in my post last year — had to say in response to their cease-and-desist letters.
Or did Burroughs decide to start with the small potatoes publishers like moi, then work his way up the food chain?
Or maybe he's already been ignored or slapped down by their corporate mouthpieces so he's choosing to vent his spleen and wrath here.
Big mistake, son.
After sleeping on it — no, sillybilly, I didn't print it out and put the hard copy under my pillow... what's wrong with you? — I've decided to take a whole new approach to this kind of thing.
Whereas in the past I'd fire off some angry, snarky letter about my First Amendment rights and all to publish stuff I find without fear of retaliation from head cases and inventors gone mad — sometime one and the same — today we're gonna take this situation to a different level.
You — joehead Nation — are going to dictate my response.
I am going to do nothing until I hear the collected wisdom and idiocy of my beloved readers on this topic.
And among you are some very expensive and high-powered legal minds, in a number of these United States (yo, Alaska, I got you on my radar, yeah! — and that Roy Cohn manqué in Georgia with blood running down her chin is not someone you want to encounter in a dark alley or a courtroom — but I digress) and around the world.
Bonus: Everything you say or think appears right here on the front page the moment you spew it out.
Unmitigated, unreviewed for political correctness or sanity by the usual censors and minders.
Gang — ain't NO other place in the world you can get big and famous this fast — and do it anonymously as well.
Laissez les bons temps rouler.
Yo Dillon, you wrote:
I am asking you to either take down the post, or replace it with the proper Aerating Wine Glass made by our company Chevalier Collection, Ltd.
Please let me know how you intend to respond in this matter.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Looks like you got your wish pretty promptly, what, with this timely response 28 hours after I first heard from you?
Don't be surprised if some of my homies get in touch directly — it was thoughtful of you to provide your phone number and they like the human touch.
They don't get a whole lot of that from me here, what with me constantly bitch-slapping them to "think like an anesthesiologist."
While we let things take their course, I'm having my Crack Patent/Trademark Team®™© send you a gift copy of my latest book (below):
Most people (well, maybe 17 people to date but let's not go there now) pay 99 cents — cheap at twice the price IMHO.
It'll help calm your jangled nerves as you deal with the riff-raff and incoming likely to result from this post.
There are testimonials as to the book's efficacy on file here should you require supporting evidence.
And if they're not here, well, I'm sure they're in some alternate universe, easily accessible via Gray Cat-monitored wormhole.
Oh, yeah — have you met my cat?
That's her above and below.
She brooks no nonsense so make sure your future correspondence with me is on point and laser-focused.
Her claws and fangs are very sharp.
And she can see right through you.
bookofjoe World Exclusive®™©: Katana Bookends
Just in from Jude Kilama at justmustard.com, the following:
We're about to launch a new product — Katana Bookends - and thought you should be one of the first to know.
Designing products for people as elusive as Ninjas is tricky — we had to draw on what we've learned of them from popular culture, which is that they can sneak, leap, slice, throw things, and hover. We can only assume they achieve this broad skillset from reading LOTS of self-help books, therefore any self-respecting ninjitsu master would do well to have a have a set of bookends.
In the style of a Katana sword, they hem in your favourite titles and brilliantly look like you've impaled all of literature with your mighty (metaphorical) knowledge.
Available in March: $30 here.
Yes: They will sell out quickly once they become available.
No: When you decide in December to get them for someone and email me for help, I will not put in a good word for you with Jude.
Think like an anesthesiologist: DO IT NOW (or in this case, March 1 at the stroke of midnight).
America's got talent: Scarlett Johansson is Today Show's weather girl
Videre est credere.
It happened on November 27, 2012.
Back story here.
How about a 1 Terabyte keychain flash drive?
Remember when we were all agog about 1 GB keychain flash drives?
That was so 10 minutes ago.
Now comes Kingston at the CES, unveiling a 1 TB USB flash drive available by March.
No price yet — though its 1/2-TB little brother costs $1,750.
No worries, be patient — in five years they'll be giving these away at CES booths.