How to make the world's best popcorn

Last night Gizmodo Weekend Editor Eric Limer tweeted a picture of his microwave popcorn disaster (above).

I felt for him, having had many similar events ruin my on-call nights over the years at hospitals across the nation.

But I have good news for Eric: there is a better way.

Out of the distant past, emerging from the smoke and stench of kernels gone bad and black, comes... drum roll... HOW TO MAKE THE WORLD'S BEST POPCORN.

That's right: it comes right out of your microwave ready to send you into paroxysms of mouth delight.

When I post it here at this time tomorrow, you'll be able to make some for yourself.

Heh.

Got your baggies in a twist with that, didn't I?

I'm so bad.

But I digress.

Below, excerpted from my April 18, 2005 post — and amplified by knowledge gained in the nearly eight years since — the secret revealed.

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I came across this wonderful recipe in the Washington Post Food section of December 10, 2003, in an item by Jeanne McManus entitled "New Wave Popcorn."

Here it is, in its exquisitely simple, perfect entirety:

1. Get a brown paper lunch bag and open it so it sits on its bottom with the four sides vertical.

2. Get some popcorn.

3. Put enough popcorn in to just cover the flattened bottom of the bag.

4. Close the top of the bag by folding it over on itself three times, each fold about 1/2" deep. Make sure these folds are tight and flat. The goal is to preserve as much space within the bag as possible for your popcorn to expand into as it pops while making certain no heat or steam escapes. [If tape is handy, I tape the folded top shut for added security]

5. Pull out the edges of the bag to maximize volume.

6. Place in the microwave for 2-3 minutes or so, until the sound of popping slows down. Important: DO NOT leave the area. You need to listen for the rise and fall of the kernel explosion crescendo for best results.

7. Open very carefully: steam will pour out.

I like Orville Redenbacher's Gourmet Original Popping Corn myself. 

I used to keep a bottle in my O.R. locker along with a stack of lunch bags and a shaker of popcorn salt. 

If you follow these instructions, what you will get is popcorn as good or better than any you have ever had in your life — for mere pennies a bag.