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February 19, 2013

Sheet Grippers — Episode 2: The Downside


Apropos of the last line of "Some Like It Hot" (perhaps my all-time favorite movie): "Nobody's perfect," these excellent additions to the sleeping space are not entirely free of negatives.

Flautist nailed the main one in her comment (my italics):

These things are fantastic! My mother told me about them even MORE than 20 years ago and I don't know how I ever managed a night's sleep before then. I had been using those stupid thin sheets of foam stuff that you stretch over the corners of the mattress to (supposedly) anchor the fitted sheet in place, which quickly become totally useless. I recommend three of these gadgets on each side and two on each end. However, depending on how your mattress is made and what kind of shape its edges are in, forcing them onto the beading so they don't pop off can be a real bitch. Also, when they start getting old and brittle they'll crack wide open in cold weather (as two of mine did just a couple of days ago). Otherwise, outstanding.

Tam Donovan noted another downside in a subsequent comment:

Looks like they won't work on a Tempurpedic, since they require a roped seam. Ah well.

Other than those two negatives, there's not a thing wrong with these wonderful devices.

Which is a little like saying, when you're in high school and wake up with a giant zit on the tip of your nose, "Other than that pimple, my skin's perfect."

I mean, Flautist was being understated when she wrote that "forcing them onto the beading so they don't pop off can be a real bitch."

I have had way too many screaming, profanity-laced, sweaty, enraged sessions attaching mine over the years to recount their number — but I know it is high.

I dread the placement procedure so much that I rarely wash my sheets because of the fact that I will have to reattach my Sheet Grippers to the freshly laundered linen.

TMI? 2bad.

I have nearly broken fingers and bruised my knuckles repeatedly trying to force these extremely stiff and hard plastic pieces over fat mattress beads made even fatter by the fitted sheet and mattress pads — oh, yes, you've got to include the mattress pad in the stretched surface if you really want to sleep like a queen or king.

But suddenly it occurs to me that this could turn out to be a boon, letting me make the very sweetest lemonade from some very nasty lemons: Episode 1 of bookofjoeTV is gonna be a live, unexpurgated, uncut video of me attaching my Sheet Grippers.

Excitement! Unpredictable rage! Madness! Profanity! Insanity in real time! Yes! 

All of the above.

Stay tuned.

You think I was exaggerating about "Some Like It Hot" and the best final line in the history of motion pictures?

Judge for yourself:

February 19, 2013 at 04:01 PM | Permalink


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That is my favourite final line from any movie ever! Such a wittily gender-transgressive film.

Posted by: rockpool | Feb 19, 2013 9:54:51 PM

BIG safety pins work the same.

Posted by: clifyt | Feb 19, 2013 7:21:48 PM

So this is the guy they created the driver from in...


Posted by: joepeach | Feb 19, 2013 6:16:44 PM

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