OXO Time Squared Double Timer — As Featured on the Holodeck

Even when you're traveling at warp speed you need to keep track of how long to boil your egg.

To that end OXO's created the official timer (above) of the starship Enterprise.

It spans the generations and the galaxies, featuring an old-fashioned one-hour analog timer just like the one mom uses with a 100-hour digital timer for those exquisite marinades your dinner guests rave about.

It also allows you to time two events at once, like your hair drying and your fingernails growing.

Easy-to-read graphics and an angled face for visibility.

Here's the bad news: it's vaporware.

Yes, OXO announced it last month at the International Home & Housewares Show in Chicago, but with an estimated availability date of May of this year.

I just visited the company's website to find out more and saw that the date has now been pushed back to July — and that's only an estimate.

I suspect OXO's hired one or more people from Bill Gates's Longhorn team.

They've been talking about that new operating system for years now, and it grows less full-featured and more distant with every passing month.

Thank God I won't ever have to use it.