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June 19, 2005

'The Bride'

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At the current Venice Biennale the sculpture (above and below), a chandelier made of 14,000 tampons, has been drawing much attention.

The work is over 16 feet high and nearly 7 feet across.

Joana Vasconcelos, the Portuguese artist who created it, would appear to have taken Lenin's observation, "Quantity has its own quality," to the extreme.

The Economist, in its story on the show, featured a photo of "The Bride" with the caption, "Bloody good show."

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Here we aren't that daring; rather, we simply quote the Economist.

You may be interested to know that the tampons are all in their "shiny plastic packaging."

Here's a link to Michael Kimmelman's New York Times story of last week relating his impressions of the show.

Prefer a British take?

No problema: here's coverage from the Guardian and here's yesterday's Financial Times story.

Popo

This year's show is the 51st; it opened last Sunday, June 12, and will be up until November 6.

June 19, 2005 at 04:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Bar Buddy — 'Perfect shots every time'

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Just place four bottles upside down in the brackets, then decant your libation of choice in perfectly measured 1–ounce portions.

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Make mixed drinks that aren't too strong or too weak.

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No more spills, stains, screams or complaints from your guests.

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Be the bartender you — and I — always knew you could be.

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$65 from Urban Outfitters (liquor not included).

June 19, 2005 at 03:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

'Choosing a Girlfriend' — by Shek Baker

Yasmin82

Say you don't have a girlfriend.

Or say you have one you just now realize isn't working out.

With all the women in the world to choose from, finding only one of them to be your girlfriend seems like a daunting task.

Noooo problem, my friend.

Lucky for you, all women fall neatly into one of these ten varieties.


1. The High-School Girlfriend

She's peppy, she's wholesome and she's 18.

Unfortunately, she's easily damaged and doesn't really seem to know how to do anything, unless you're into third-chair concert band flute playing.

Plus, she might use slang you don't understand and she'll cry if you're late picking her up from cheerleading practice.

She also has a tendency to mystify by, say, hosting a pajama party rather than making out with you under the bleachers.

This one's strictly for beginners only, because only a beginner has a chance of learning something from a relationship with High-School Girlfriend.


2. The Fixer-Upper

Super cute, and also super neurotic.

May come with an eating disorder, 'daddy issues,' or an infuriating emotional cyclone combining both.

By turns delightfully funny and inexplicably mopey, don't be surprised if you come home to find her huddled beneath blankets on the sofa, counting the pinholes in the ceiling tiles.

She may secretly 'test' you, and 'reward' you if you 'pass' by not blowing up at you in public.

She's not recommended for rebounders, or anyone with an abundance of expired medication in the bathroom cabinet.


3. The Wild Child

No doubt about it, she's a ton of fun , especially at the outset.

She'll suggest you do things you've never even heard of that sound crazy, but turn out to be incredible.

You're likely to spend your free time ridiculing strangers on the street or just fucking with people for no reason, then staying up all night having crazy good sex.

Once that week is up, though, she's going to get kind of weird.

Her end of conversations will consist of little more than disinterested chain smoking, looking around and the occasional "mm-hmm" or "whatever, that sucks."

When she starts pushing for an open relationship, that actually means she's been seeing another guy for a month.

Soon she'll be telling you that you weren't ever her real boyfriend anyway, so what the hell is your fucking problem.

Yikes.

Sorry, got carried away with this one.

Don't ask.


4. The Hippie Chick

Really down to earth.

Literally!

Seriously, though, she's a proponent of the natural look, which means she's a fashion victim, but at least she doesn't mind the fact that you're a hairy slob.

Plenty of weed for everybody, and she'll support whatever idiot post-art school career idea you have, even if it's just a hopeless excuse not to get a paying job.

When one of you gets the sniffles, she will use a lot of herbal or holistic cures, which are a) less effective than, b) smellier than and c) just as expensive as, you know, medicine.

Also, you're going to be going to a lot of rallies which consist of you, her, and a couple of dreadlocked chicks in overalls holding a hand-painted banner on a street corner 1000 feet from a government building.


5. The Nerd

The good news: she will indulge you in all the adolescent past-times most of your other friends gave up in high school.

We're talking superhero comic books, miniature figurine painting, any computer game where you spend all your time trying to 'up your stats' and the dudes all go 'what hast thou' and shit.

Fantasy roleplaying games, the works.

You can get away with anything that would cause your male friends to shun you forever.

The bad news: she's homely.

Two words: unicorn fixation.

She might have genetically reinforced grooming problems.

She has no ability to modulate the volume of her speaking voice (she's either ninja quiet or elephant loud).

And she will spend even more time on the internet than you, nerd.


6. The Princess

Very pretty.

Very smart.

Very ruthless.

Soon after you start dating - and, my friend, you are going to be dating, as in picking her up, buying her dinner, going to the theater, taking the long stroll to her doorway and jerking off at home - she'll inform you that she had your background 'looked into' and that you either do or do not 'check out.'

Relationship advancement may be tied to career advancement as well.

Within six months you are going to find yourself outside a jewelry store with a small parcel in hand, sweating and muttering to yourself.

Fighting her is pointless.

Your children are going to be very well-behaved.


7. Sham Girlfriend

Simply put, you aren't right for each other.

You'd like to find one thing interesting about her, but damned if you know where to look, and vice-versa.

She is fine-looking, but the sex is as passionless and stultifying as your conversation.

You were most likely set up by "Mutual Platonic Female Friend," often herself mistaken for Sham Girlfriend.

Works well as a transitional girlfriend, or to break a long dry spell.

You are guaranteed to look fabulous together at up to four social gatherings, which you will spend slowly dying inside.


8. Sporty Girlfriend

Yes sir, she likes herself some out-of-doors.

Hiking, rock climbing, biking, kayaking, skiing, water skiing, fucking in a nylon tent.

Obsessive, repetitive exercise may result in an alarmingly muscular physique, and 'tan' will become a generously understated description of her skin tone come August.

She'll drink you under the table so many times you'll wonder where the hell she's putting it.

After she blows her knee out and tones down her workout regimen while continuing her beer-drinking regimen, you will be able to see exactly where she's putting it.


9. The Intellectual

Hope you like post-modern theoretical literary discussion.

Get used to hearing things like "Frankly, I don't see how that blowhard Gottlieb gets away with all his facile anti-deconstructionalist theoretical tomfoolery. The 'mother-figure-as-progeny-substitute' argument has been roundly refuted."

Also, she's going to pick one 3-dollar word, such as 'quiddity,' as her go-to.

You will soon argue the 'quiddity' of such things as table wine, 400 thread count bed sheets, and lemon fresh Pledge, without ever figuring out what the hell quiddity even means.

And she pronounces it 'quid-uh-TEA.'

Good thing she's super hot in glasses and a pony tail.


10. Perfect Girlfriend

No, you don't want this one, trust me.

Yes, her sense of humor is terrific.

Yes, she likes the same music you do, except for that one band you'll always have playful arguments about.

I'm telling you, steer clear.

Of course she's easy on the eyes, so much so that your friends will wonder what's got into you when you're at the sports bar and you suddenly start talking wistfully about the way her hair falls over her left eye just so.

Right, it almost seems like she knows what you're thinking, and you finish each other's sentences, and on and on.

Listen, how about a nice Princess instead?

OK, I'll tell you: because she'll break your heart when she finally finds the man she deserves, dumbass.

[via supermasterpiece.com and degree360.com]

June 19, 2005 at 02:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Scrub–a–Dubs Sink

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Just out, these whimsical sinks from Elkay made from a Corian–like material.

They come in six shapes: Heart (above), Fish, Tulip, Butterfly, Football and "Whimsy" (below).

Each shape is available in any of seven colors: red, purple, pink, brown, blue, yellow and white.

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They retail for $249.

June 19, 2005 at 01:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Amazon TV?

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You've heard me prattling on ceaselessly about my pie–in–the–sky bookofjoeTV, coming soon to a computer or wireless device near you.

Well, Amazon, unlike bookofjoe, is not all hat and no cattle.

Jeff Bezos and the gang this past Friday announced an upcoming live web concert featuring Bob Dylan (above) and Norah Jones (below), to be streamed live Saturday evening, July 16.

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Bill Maher will serve as host for the actual concert, which will take place at Benaroya Hall in Seattle.

Amazon's Seattle–area employees will be invited to attend; no tickets will be sold to the general public.

The webcast will be broadcast on Amazon's home page exactly 10 years after Bezos officially launched his virtual bookstore.

That's a lot of bits over the ether.

Last year Amazon posted nearly $7 billion in revenue and had its second profitable year.

I'd say it's here to stay.

I read recently that the new networks are going to be MSN, Yahoo, Google and maybe AOL, replacing NBC, CBS, ABC and the rest; perhaps Amazon ought to be factored into the equation.

Oh, one more thing: not that Dylan's too concerned about what's good for his career or not at this point, but I for one find the upcoming show a far better move than that idiotic Victoria's Secret commercial and "Lovesick" CD (below) he did last year.

Ssff

Not that the hefty check didn't ease the pain of thinking about it — at least for him.

June 19, 2005 at 12:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Touchless Trash Can

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Pretty amazing technology for everyday use.

"This stainless steel can has a built–in infrared motion detector that senses when you are approaching and opens the lid, then automatically closes it five seconds after trash is placed inside."

This might actually lead kids to throw their trash away just to see it work; impress their friends as well.

Maybe there'd be trash parties at your house, it'd become so popular!

Maybe there are already.

But we won't go there.

"Includes ABS plastic lid, liner bag ring and manual function buttons."

Requires 4 D batteries (not included).

25"H x 16"W x 12"D.

$119.99 here.

June 19, 2005 at 11:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Skateboarding Dog

As1

You won't believe it unless you watch the video and then you'll still not be certain you saw what you thought you saw.

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The pictures above are screenshots from the video.

[via DH]

June 19, 2005 at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Mutant Lamp

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"To serve you better this mutant lamp is equipped with powerful suction pads, two flexible feet and a particularly agile tentacle."

No, I'm not gonna go there.

Instead, go here and click on the drawing to the left of "BALADETTE."

Ooh, I just made up a joke.

Q. What do you call it when you send this lamp to someone who lives in Australia?

A.

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Well, it made me laugh.

June 19, 2005 at 09:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

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