WineFritz™ — 'Crack' is the new 'pop'

The WineFritz (above) is a polished anodized aluminum device that fits over your screw–capped wine bottle and allows it "to be opened while keeping the cap out of view," wrote Jerry Shriver in today's USA Today story about the new device.

The WineFritz is designed to amplify the sound of the screw–cap's metal cracking so as to mimic in a kind of — dare I say it? twisted — post–industrial way the sound of a popping cork.

$39.95.

No computer?

No problema: call 866-374-8948.

No telephone?

Hey, I'm not your mother — deal.

The fact that the WineFritz costs more than the aggregate value of the wine you've consumed over the past year is not my problem.

One more thing: if you're technically challenged this device may present an insurmountable obstacle to wine access in your domicile.

I recommend watching the video clips here very attentively and then taking a few moments to honestly assess yourself and your capabilities in this area.

It's nothing to be ashamed of if, like me, you don't feel like you're qualified or able to operate a WineFritz.

Perhaps one day they'll offer an instructional DVD along with the device.

We can only hope.

Q. Why such a dumb name?

A. The developers of the WineFritz, Tom and Shari Scholten, own the Fritz Alpine Bistro in Keystone, Colorado.