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April 25, 2006

Triple-Threat 'Son et Lumière' Alarm Clock


The son is that of a 95 decibel alarm (equivalent to being inside a moving subway car).

The lumière is the lamp you've plugged into the back of this diabolical device: it flashes on and off while the alarm stops your heart.

The third leg of the 'triple threat' is an attached vibrating bedshaker that restarts your heart and shocks you into consciousness.

What a pleasant way to start your day.

Need more?

Well, thankfully Catherine Zeta-Jones hasn't yet — at least, not as of this post's preparation — been asked to flog this product so you can read what the website has to say about it in peace.

    Wake Assure Vibrating Alarm Clock

    This extra loud vibrating alarm clock is designed for people who may have difficulty waking up with normal alarm clocks.

    Even if you are a sound sleeper or have a hearing impairment the Wake Assure alarm clock will wake you up.

    Wake Assure digital alarm clock has a large 2" display that is easy to see.

    Wake Assure is ideal for individuals who have low vision or don't want to put their glasses on in the middle of the night to check the time.

    The Wake Assure has many different alarm settings:

    • You can be woken by the audible alarm — adjust the volume up to 95 dB as well as the tone/pitch to meet your personal requirements.

    • Place the included bedshaker under your pillow or mattress and it will shake you awake — the powerful bedshaker has no audible sound so it is ideal if you do not wish to disturb others. The vibration alerts you when the alarm clock is activated.

    • You can also plug a lamp into the back and the Wake Assure clock will flash your lamp when the alarm goes off.

    Wake even the heaviest sleeper by using all three alerting options —surely no one could sleep through that!


    • Measures 4"H x 8"W x 2½"D

    • Variable volume control for alarm sound

    • Variable alarm tone control (high pitch tone to lower pitch tone).

    • 9-volt battery back-up

    • Snooze alarm.

    Ideal for individuals who have trouble waking to normal alarms.

    The Wake Assure makes a great gift for a college student living away from home.


April 25, 2006 at 11:01 AM | Permalink


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I use the Sonic Boom alarm clock,
which has a louder alarm and a very strong bed shaker. I'm trying out polyphasic sleeping so need to be worken up a lot.

Posted by: Jonathan | Apr 26, 2006 12:25:16 AM

lol,lol,lol very funny colten!

Posted by: lisa | Apr 25, 2006 5:24:03 PM

I built one of these in college, except mine featured a low caliber pistol (I used a .22, though I imagine any would work) that would shoot me just above the knee. Then for good measure I'd stick a fork in my eye on the way to the shower. Sheesh.

Posted by: colten | Apr 25, 2006 4:03:00 PM

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