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July 11, 2006

Paper Grocery Bags

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An important part of the bookofjoe ecosystem for the following reasons:

1) They serve as the disposable part of my patented bookofjoe TRS™.

That stands for Trash Removal System and no — you won't find it here.

Gimme a break.

2) I put out three or four bags, open and on their sides, when I'm done unpacking the groceries — my two cats find it endlessly amusing to "hide" in them, sprinting between them like soldiers advancing on a battlefield.

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When one cat is inside the other finds it enormous fun to leap atop the cat-filled bag, pawing at exploring limbs emerging to test the water, as it were.

But I digress.

I put a paper grocery bag inside an under-counter kitchen cabinet door festooned with my patented bookofjoe GBS™ (Garbage Bag Shelf — made from a piece of discarded wood long ago when I moved into my house) and have elegantly easy manual disposal at all subsequent times.

Except for when I run out of paper garbage bags, which just happened — for the very last time.

This disparity between supply and demand occurs on average once a month primarily because I generate far more garbage-filled garbage bags than enter the house as a result of my bi-weekly (bi- means every two, semi- means every half — the two are often confused) grocery shopping trips.

This cannot — and will not — stand.

To that end I have just taken extreme measures.

You will recall Hippocrates' dictum: "For extreme illnesses, extreme measures."

But I digress yet again.

I have sourced brown kraft paper grocery bags online and as I type these words they are speeding to me from wherever they're being shipped: don't know and don't care.

That's the great thing — or one of the great things — about the internet: location doesn't matter.

Just like time — because the internet is always open.

But I digress once again — hey, joe, isn't there a "three strikes" rule for digressions?

My default grocery bag, obtained at Kroger, Giant or Harris Teeter, is 17" high x 11.5" wide by 7" long.

N.B.: In the bag business the length dimension is referred to as the "gusset."

I just purchased 500 "Carry Market" bags measuring 17" high x 12" x 7" gusset.

Fair warning.

Sold, for $49.67 (scroll down to item #11766).

10¢ a bag.

Let's do the numbers.

I go through about three grocery bags a week.

That's 150 a year or so.

So I'm set until late 2009.

Sounds good to me.

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I'll be here — will you?

July 11, 2006 at 03:01 PM | Permalink


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Comments

we do the exact same thing for kitchen trash - grocery bag liner in a bucket under the sink. now the store we go to has switched to reusable cloth bags which we have to remember to bring every week, and we've run out of paper bags for trash. i hate the idea of switching to plastic, but i'm also not wild about the idea of buying something for the express purpose of throwing away at 10¢ apiece.. there's gotta be a cheaper source for paper bags

Posted by: matt | Jan 4, 2009 1:02:07 AM

I thought I was the only one who still believed in paper bags. Interesting, also, the way some people refer to it as a bag and others say sack. I think it's regional; sack seems to be southern.

For extra added cat fun, line the sacks with tissue paper (the onionskin kind some people put inside gift bags, NOT toilet paper) so that when they run in there they can make all kinds of crackly racket and try to hide in the wad of paper, thus driving each other into a frenzy of running and jumping and pouncing and paper rattling during their life-or-death search-and-destroy missions. Then they'll wear themselves out and sleep real good while you enjoy some peace and quiet.

Posted by: Flutist | Jul 11, 2006 3:37:43 PM

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