bookofjoe

'Return' — by Yuriko Yamaguchi

This 2005 sculpture of resin and wire measures 9 feet, 4 inches high; 12 feet wide; and 11 feet, 5 inches deep.

Though on a much larger scale, Yamaguchi's piece is evocative of the spectacular Greek funerary wreath pictured here on December 13, 2006.

If you want to buy the sculpture contact the Numark Gallery in Washington, D.C. (202-628-3810).

Price on request.

Free Trash Bags Forever — Episode 2: Price Break

Wait a minute — that doesn't make any sense.

How can there be a "price break" if they were already free?

Count Alfred Korzybski, the father of the science of semantics, memorably remarked, "When in doubt, read on."

I defer to the master, and encourage you to do the same.

When I featured this item in Episode 1 back on July 19, 2005, it seemed like the next best thing to sliced bread.

Sure, it was pricey at $9.99 for a couple of pieces of cheap plastic but the promise of "Free" made it seem tolerable.

Well, guess what?

The crack research team, always on patrol even while they sleep, sort of like sharks but without the teeth, bumped up against the very item last evening at a sharply reduced price.

From the website:

Trash Bag Holder

Save money by turning any extra grocery or shopping bag into an instant trash can with this sturdy plastic holder.

Just hang the holder over any cabinet door or drawer, and slip your bag over the fold-out arms.

A great space saver in kitchen or bath.

No tools or installation needed!

Perfect for under the sink.

10-1/2" x 4".

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I mean, you've got to put all that dog hair somewhere, right?

And after dropping $49 on a Furminator there might not be a whole lot of change left in the jar.

$3.99.

No — the bags are not included.

See, the whole idea is you use the ones from the grocery store... oh, never mind.

Helpful Hints from joeeze: How do you tell if a nut is rancid?

I'd bet not one person in a thousand knows.

Aristotle Onassis once remarked, "The secret of success in business is knowing something no one else knows."

Of course, nowadays that's called insider trading but hey, let's not be chippy.

Robert L. Wolke, food columnist extraordinaire, addressed the topic of rancid nuts in his January 10, 2006 Washington Post Food section "Food 101" column.

Long story short: You can't tell by smell: you have to taste.

FunFact: The speed with which nuts turn rancid is in direct proportion to the amount of polyunsaturated fatty acid they contain.

Fastest to slowest to turn rancid, in order:

1) English walnuts

2) Pecans

3) Brazil nuts

4) Peanuts

5) Almonds and pistachios

6) Cashews and hazelnuts

Here's the story.

Cracking the Code

Q. I like to eat pistachio nuts, and I prepare dishes with walnuts and almonds throughout the year. In the holiday season I also use pecans and hazelnuts. How should nuts be stored? Why do they become rancid? When shopping for nuts, either in a store or from a catalogue, what are signs that they are rancid?

A. Before I get to your question, I must address the nomenclatural nonsense that pervades the world of nuts.

First of all, botanists have their definition of a nut and gastronomes have theirs. To a botanist, a nut is a whole, hard-surfaced fruit containing a seed. To a gastronome, the seed alone may be called a nut. Peanuts are neither; they're legumes. But before I drive you nuts, let's just agree that anything you think is a nut is a nut.

Second, a filbert is a hazelnut is a filbert. They come from two very closely related trees, and you have to be an expert to tell their nuts apart.

Now about rancidity and storage.

The oils in most nuts are chiefly the more healthful, unsaturated kind. But unsaturated fats turn rancid more readily than saturated ones, because the (double) bonds in their molecules are easily broken by oxidation. The resulting molecular fragments, short-chain fatty acids, are likely to taste and smell bad.

Roughly, the more polyunsaturated fatty acids a nut contains, the faster it can turn rancid. On that basis, we can expect the most common nuts to line up this way, in order of fastest to slowest: English walnuts, pecans, Brazil nuts, peanuts, almonds and pistachios, and cashews and hazelnuts.

Most nuts are harvested in the fall, so they're still fresh for our holiday party bowls or all those pecan pies. But containing as much oil as they do (40 percent to more than 70 percent), they eventually will turn rancid.

Unshelled nuts, protected by nature's armor, will keep for a year or even two, especially if refrigerated. Squirrels are able to successfully store acorns over the winter because the cold slows the two chemical reactions responsible for rancidity: oxidation and hydrolysis, which are caused by air and moisture, respectively. So if your nuts were fresh to begin with — that is, bought from a reputable, high-volume supplier — their shells might keep them fresh until next Christmas if the nuts are stored in a cool place. (Cashews, by the way, are never sold in their shells, which contain corrosive and poisonous resins.)

Shelled nuts, especially those that have been chopped or roasted, are more prone to rancidity. Secured in an airtight container, they can be stored for four or five months in the refrigerator and for up to a year in the freezer.

How can you tell if a nut is rancid? In the store, sneak a sample if possible. Smell is not reliable; taste is the best test. If it tastes sour or rank, shop somewhere else. When buying from a catalogue, you just have to trust your supplier.

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Now gimme that last cashew — and don't tell me you just ate it.

Furminator

From the website:

Furminator® Pet De-Shedding Tool

Our Furminator Pet De-Shedding Tool gets pet hair before it gets everywhere else.

It quickly and easily removes the loose, dead undercoat in all shedding, long- and short-haired dogs and cats, without damaging the topcoat.

Not only does it reduce shedding up to 90%, it's guaranteed to eliminate excess pet hair better than any brush, comb, or rake.

Promotes a healthier, shinier topcoat by bringing out the pet's natural oils.

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I dunno... for $49 you'd think it would vibrate or do something besides just sit in your hand.

Exclusive: bookofjoe readers invited to Keenag Gallery opening today

The best part is that for once, everyone really can go — 'cause the Keenag Gallery is in Second Life.

The show, collages by Raoul Weiller, is entitled "Retro-Futuristic Spaceships and Metalheads."

Examples appear above and below.

Here's the invitation, which came in this past Friday from Ishtvan Pippen, the gallery's proprietor.

Hello.

I just visited your blog, and I wanted to invite you to check out my gallery in Second Life. Keenag is the pop-surrealism and lowbrow art gallery of Second Life.

Your readers might be interested to learn more about the bustling art scene in Second Life. I can give you a personal tour of my gallery, help you take pictures for your blog, and take you to a few other galleries in Second Life.

Or just stop by the opening this Sunday. You can learn more about my gallery through my website: keenag.com

Email me back (ishtvan@keenag.com) if you want to schedule a personal tour of the Second Life art scene.

Best,

Ish

P.S. You can see what other bloggers have written about the Keenag gallery by visiting the "About" section of my website, keenag.com

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The Keenag Gallery is located in Second Life in Owlet(243,51).

The opening event is today, Sunday, January 14, 2007, from 6-8 p.m. SL time.

Tricked-Out Switchplate — Episode 2: Temperature + Humidity

In Episode 1 back on October 7, 2005, we welcomed the addition of room temperature to the basic light switch.

Time passes.

Now you get double the function, double the fun.

Chew on that.

From the website:

Wall Plate Thermometer with Relative Humidity

Temperature/humidity at a glance

Here’s a great way to add a thermometer to any room.

Just replace your switchplate with this Wall Plate Thermometer with Relative Humidity.

Accurate to within 1 degree, it’s powered by a button cell battery.

Temperature range of –20 to 120°F and 15 to 95% humidity range.

Large LCD numerals in either F or C.

Recommended for indoor use only.

Not for use with dimmers.

No wiring required.

White.

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Bonus: Even with twice the trickeration built in, they've managed to drop the price by four cents.

What's not to like?

$12.95.

LaDainian Tomlinson — And the story of Tomlinson Hill

Lee Jenkins wrote a superb article, which appeared on the front page of last Sunday's (January 7, 2007) New York Times, about LaDainian Tomlinson (above), the great San Diego Chargers running back

Not the front page of the sports section — the front page of the Sunday Times.

When you read it you'll understand why the paper's editors moved it from the sports pages to a position of such prominence.

Links to Slavery and N.F.L. Star on a Hill in Texas

One hundred and fifty years ago, a white farmer named James K. Tomlinson rode through central Texas in a covered wagon and settled 15 acres of pasture land.

Today, the legacy of that land is carried on by a 27-year-old pro football player in San Diego whose ancestors were Tomlinson’s slaves.

LaDainian Tomlinson, the San Diego Chargers’ running back and the most valuable player in the National Football League, may not be related to James Tomlinson, but they are linked by the hill that bears their name.

Tomlinson Hill belongs to both of them. After Emancipation, LaDainian Tomlinson’s ancestors kept the name and stayed on the hill. They wanted to make the place their own.

“I know the hill isn’t really named for us,” LaDainian Tomlinson said. “But I take pride in it, and I take pride in my name. When I think of that hill, I think of my family. When people look at it, I want them to think about me and my family.”

Tomlinson Hill is not listed on maps. Locals refer to it as a settlement, not a town. It does not have a post office, a gas station or a store. It is not really even a hill; the altitude rises slightly from nearby Marlin and Lott. Cows graze on either side of dirt roads. Dogs run unleashed in the streets. Their barking pierces the country quiet.

The hill used to be crowded with Tomlinsons. The houses of LaDainian’s relatives and those of James Tomlinson’s descendants were divided by a pasture and a fence.

The divide still exists, a pasture separating white families from black families, large homes from small ones. The population, about 100, is racially mixed and composed largely of senior citizens. There may be only one person left whose last name is Tomlinson. He is 71, has gray stubble and usually needs a walking stick to get around.

Standing in his front yard, next to a rusty pickup truck and a car that needs new spark plugs, Oliver Tomlinson sorted through his mail. “I’m looking for my Super Bowl tickets,” he said. “I know they’re coming.”

Oliver explains to anyone passing by that his son plays football for the San Diego Chargers and that they are going to the Super Bowl. When it is suggested that they first need to win two playoff games, he waves his hand dismissively. [The Chargers have a bye, and their first game will be scheduled for Jan. 13 or 14.]

Oliver lives in a one-story white house on a corner. He watches his son’s games on a television set with a rabbit-ears antenna. He surrounds himself with space heaters. Rain clatters off his tin roof. He has no phone. Among the few decorations on the walls is an unframed photograph of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

“LaDainian has asked me to move to San Diego,” Oliver said, spitting a stream of tobacco juice into a peanut can. “But I can’t leave this hill. It’s been too good to me. This hill has given me everything I need. The Lord blessed me with that boy and this hill.”

LaDainian was raised by his mother in Waco and estranged from his father, who left the family for long periods. But LaDainian’s visits to Tomlinson Hill provided a connection to his relatives. His father lived on the same block as his uncles, aunts and cousins.

Neighbors used to watch the young LaDainian dash from one house to another, often accompanied by his favorite pet, a black-and-white Poland China hog. “He was fast,” said Jewel Hodges, a Tomlinson Hill resident. “He was always fast.”

When the family made bonfires under the mesquite trees at night, LaDainian would put a toy on the edge of the fire, then try to grab the toy before it was engulfed. It was as if he were taking handoffs.

His paternal grandfather, Vincent Tomlinson, watched over LaDainian. Vincent worked the fields for John and Albert Tomlinson, descendants of James Tomlinson. Vincent lived in a house built by John and Albert, in a row known as the subdivision.

John and Albert hired Vincent’s wife, Julie, to be their cook. Every June 19, Vincent and Julie took the day off to give a party in honor of Emancipation Day. John and Albert lent them space for the party. Julie baked her famous pecan pie for everyone.

“It evolved into a unique relationship between the two families,” said Robert Stem, a state district judge who has lived on Tomlinson Hill for 30 years. “I remember Vincent and John always riding around together in an old Chevrolet pickup, running fox hounds. They called each other cousin.”

John and Albert did not have any sons, and their family name seemed destined to die with them. To honor John and Albert more than 20 years ago, Mr. Stem named his youngest son John Tomlinson Stem.

“I didn’t know then about LaDainian and what he would accomplish,” Mr. Stem said. “He has brought a whole new meaning to the Tomlinson name. By the way he acts and the way he plays, he has brought a lot of smiles to a lot of people on Tomlinson Hill.”

LaDainian set a record with 31 touchdowns this season and did not do a choreographed dance after any one of them. While San Diego appreciates his hip-fakes and stiff-arms, Tomlinson Hill appreciates how he unfailingly gives credit to his mother, Loreane Chappell, and his offensive line.

LaDainian still lists Waco as his hometown and returns every off-season, but it has been years since he made the 45-mile drive from Waco to Tomlinson Hill. He is in contact with his father, but they are not close. If and when he visits the hill, he will find a few changes.

Most of the pigs and horses are gone. The only business, a barbecue joint, has burned down.

Several of the houses on his father’s block are abandoned and decayed, the walls collapsing under the weight of time.

Not long ago, a new family moved in and thought about changing the name of Tomlinson Hill. The newcomers approached Oliver with a proposal.

“Do you know that my son is LaDainian Tomlinson?” Oliver said. “Do you know LaDainian Tomlinson, the football player?”

The new residents were embarrassed. “They apologized,” Oliver said. “They just told me to forget about it.”

Another local family, the Neumanns, would probably not have allowed such a change. Jenny and Ronnie Neumann live on the other side of the pasture from Oliver, but they talk about LaDainian as if he were their next-door neighbor.

They have a football autographed by LaDainian. They sent their youngest son, Hunter, to LaDainian’s football camp in Waco.

They talk glowingly about the day that Hunter played catch with LaDainian.

If the Chargers are playing at the same time as the Dallas Cowboys, most of the televisions in Texas are tuned to the Cowboys game. The Neumanns watch the Chargers.

“Terrell Owens plays for the Cowboys and he’s a clown,” Ronnie Neumann said. “LaDainian plays the game right. He makes us proud.”

Ronnie looked out his front yard at the only sign for Tomlinson Hill, the only visible proof that this place has a name.

The wooden welcome sign is held up by two tall posts, and the letters are attached to barbed wire. A few of the letters are falling off.



“We’ve got to get that fixed,” Ronnie said.

The sign hangs over a field that used to be a reunion ground for Confederate soldiers. Now, families and church groups rent the field for $65 a night in the summer. Usually, though, it just serves as a large front yard for Hunter.

Hunter is 13 and plays football. He looks too lean to be a running back, but he wears navy blue gym shorts emblazoned with LaDainian’s initials, L. T.

Every time Hunter opens his front door, he sees the sign for Tomlinson Hill, a name loaded with cultural significance.

But Hunter does not think about settlers and slaves. He does not reflect on American history — only football history.

“When I see it,” Hunter said, “I just think of L. T.”

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L.T. and his crew go up against the visiting New England Patriots in today's AFC championship semifinal game (4:30 p.m. ET on CBS).

Can't wait.

Three Stooges Lounge Pants

Official lounge pants of bookofjoe.

As if there could be any doubt.

From the website:

Three Stooges Lounge Pants

Slip into these super-soft Three Stooges Lounge Pants.

100% cotton lounge pants are covered in a cool collage of Larry, Curly, Moe, and all their silly sayings.

Adult sizes: M (fits 34"-36" waist; inseam 29.5"); L (fits 36"-38" waist; inseam 30.25"); XL (fits 38"-40" waist; 30.75" inseam).

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"Silly sayings?"

Excuse me.

Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

$23.98.