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March 19, 2007

Helpful Hints from joeeze: How to prevent battery-operated appliances from being turned on accidentally — no more dead batteries and nonfunctioning devices


It's one of life's rules that when you most need something to work, it doesn't.

Just now a wonderful idea dawned on me, the solution to the vexing problem of unwittingly/accidentally turning on a flashlight or radio and having it use up the batteries without your ever knowing it — until it's too late.

I was putting my Sharper Image Sound Soother (top) into a duffel bag.

As is my wont, I removed one of the batteries and prepared to tape it to the case of the device so that the poorly-designed push on/off switch wouldn't get nudged while being jostled around and turn the device on.

I mean, the last time that happened and I arrived wherever I was going, turned on the sound of a steam train but heard nothing but my own tinnitus, I about started steaming myself.

Dead batteries — 6 brand-new AAs.

Annoying, what?

Today, as I held the battery in my hand, I thought to myself — wait a minute.

Half the time after I put in new batteries, the flashlight or whatever doesn't work because I didn't insert them in the correct orientation, with the polarities as designated.

What if I simply put one of the 6 AAs in the wrong way: device off, no battery taping needed, no dead batteries/nonfunctional appliance.


Try it — it really works.

Or doesn't, as is the outcomed here desired.

Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn every now and then.

March 19, 2007 at 04:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack

When Geppetto met Dior


It was bound to happen.

Yesterday's New York Times Styles section ad (below)


displayed Dior's latest StilettoWorld™ creation.

Hey — if Rudy Giuliani can wear them then why the heck can't Pinocchio?

From a website:

    Extreme Dior Pump

    • Pieces are intricately attached with gold metal studs

    • Smooth leather sole with rubber heel patch

    • 4" heel with a 0.5" platform

    • Cut-out detail at heel back


    • Leather insole

    • Aged goatskin

    • Made in Italy



At Dior boutiques everywhere.



March 19, 2007 at 02:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

bookofjoe Moneymaker™ — Take it to the bank


Note to [paper] catalog publishers: your website should appear at the bottom of every single page of the catalog — including the front and back covers — on both sides.


Because if most people are anything at all like me (yes, I know, probably not a valid assumption — or a very good thing, come to think of it), they tear out the page with the item they're interested in, to use later when they're online.

Assuming, that is, that they're not multi-tasking like me: I mean, I'm listening to my boombox (Pink Floyd — "The Wall") at volume 10 (of 10, not that you asked or care), striding along on my treadmill at 1.0 mph, watching the NFL Network with the sound off and typing these letters.

Oh, yeah — and occasionally drinking from the can of Diet Coke to my left and chewing my gum.

Let's see, that six things at once — no wonder bookofjoe's so messed up.

But I digress.

The reason your website should be on each page is that if you're anything like me (been there, done that, enough already, joe) you'll find yourself in front of your computer with a bunch of random catalog pages, items of interest and no idea which catalog they came from.

99% of people at that point will toss the pages in the trash and move on.

There's goes your money, Ms., Mrs. and Mr. Catalog Company.

Right down the profit hole.

Of course, there'll always be idiots like me and my crack research team (you don't have to be an idiot to work here — but it really, really helps and usually results in warp speed promotion) who won't stop there but will continue to drill down


and eventually locate your item and website.

A word to the wise from your opposite: don't create a business that depends on the efforts and interest of someone like me: how do you spell DOA?

March 19, 2007 at 01:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

BehindTheMedspeak: What's in your drink? Coke and Pepsi finally reveal caffeine content


Now you can pin down exactly why, after you have a couple of cans of Diet Coke, they have to peel you off the ceiling.

Take a look at the table above.


[via Tara Parker-Pope in the February 27, 2007 Wall Street Journal]

March 19, 2007 at 12:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

What is it?


Answer here this time tomorrow.

March 19, 2007 at 11:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack

MorphWorld: Rudy Giuliani into... Michael Dukakis?


Come on, joe, you're reaching here.

Or am I?

The pictures of Giuliani in drag that occasionally pop up in the newspaper alongside stories about his nascent presidential campaign make me smile so.

The one above, of Giuliani gamming it up with the Radio City Rockettes in 2001, accompanied the print version of yesterday's Washington Post Outlook section front page story by Andrew Kirtzman about the current leader in Republican presidential polls.

Then there's the memorable video of him singing "Happy Birthday, Mister President" in 1997 — in full drag.

You can bet that'll get a lot of play on YouTube.

Oh, the people pouring money into Rudy's campaign think he's the next best thing to sliced bread but guess what?

When those pictures appear in TV ads in Macon, Georgia and Orem, Utah and their ilk during the primaries and runup to the convention, and then even more often during the actual race should he by some miracle overcome their huge negative weight and obtain the nomination, it'll be Dukakis in his Snoopy-helmeted befuddlement — head bobbling all around while the tank he's riding in bounces its way to his defeat — all over again.


Find another horse to ride, would be my advice.

Once the public starts to laugh at you instead of with you, they never stop.

March 19, 2007 at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Sherwin-Williams Color Fan Deck


Just out, it contains 250 of the company's most popular house paint colors on compact 3" x 5" chips (above).

But wait – there's more!

The company's ingeniously placed a small perforated window in each chip so you can hold them up against a wall if you're trying to achieve a perfect match or create contrast.

Much better than taking a small chip to the paint store to compare to their selections because you can see how the colors look in the actual room they'll ultimately adorn.

$4.99 at Sherwin-Williams stores everywhere.

March 19, 2007 at 09:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

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