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November 26, 2007

'To live is to crochet' – Fernando Pessoa

I envy — but I'm not sure that I envy — those for whom a biography could be written, or who could write their own. In these random impressions, and with no desire to be other than random, I indifferently narrate my factless autobiography, my lifeless history. These are my Confessions, and if in them I say nothing, it's because I have nothing to say.

What is there to confess that's worthwhile or useful? What has happened to us has happened to everyone or only to us; if to everyone, then it's no novelty, and if only to us, then it won't be understood. If I write what I feel, it's to reduce the fever of feeling. What I confess is unimportant, because everything is unimportant. I make landscapes out of what I feel. I make holidays of my sensations. I can easily understand women who embroider out of sorrow or who crochet because life exists. My elderly aunt would play solitaire throughout the endless evening. These confessions of what I feel are my solitaire. I don't interpret them like those who read cards to tell the future. I don't probe them, because in solitaire the cards don't have any special significance. I unwind myself like a multicolored skein, or I make string figures of myself, like those woven on spread fingers and passed from child to child. I take care only that my thumb not miss its loop. Then I turn over my hand and the figure changes. And I start over.

To live is to crochet according to a pattern we are given. But while doing it the mind is at liberty, and all enchanted princes can stroll in their parks between one and another plunge of the hooked ivory needle. Needlework of things... Intervals... Nothing....

Besides, what can I expect from myself? My sensations in all their horrible acuity, and a profound awareness of feeling... A sharp mind that only destroys me, and an unusual capacity for dreaming to keep me entertained... A dead will and a reflection that cradles it, like a living child... Yes, crochet....
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November 26, 2007 at 12:01 PM | Permalink


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Comments

I knit, therefore I am. Lovely to see this cousin-crochet as a metaphor for being.

Posted by: MbS | Nov 27, 2007 1:35:48 PM

And as I scroll back through the weekend's posts, what do I find? You've beat me to the Ravelry reference! Curse you Joe and your speedy internet scouring abilities!

Posted by: Rena | Nov 26, 2007 2:44:34 PM

This is beautiful - thanks for sharing it. I've posted this link to the Ravelry message boards, where I'm sure it will be greatly appreciated. For the uninitiated, Ravelry is the latest big thing among needleworkers: a knit and crochet online community. Think Facebook merged with Flickr merged with message board merged with catalogue system.

Posted by: Rena | Nov 26, 2007 2:32:05 PM

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