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February 12, 2008

Lost — and found — in virtual space


The account that follows appeared as if by magic — then vanished.

My crack research team was quick enough to capture it.

Lost — and found — in virtual space

Technology should be like magic — it works and you don't know how, but you can do it without thinking about it.

For instance, I was out of town this weekend for some little music party... nothing big... I think someone was videotaping for youtube or something... I don't pay attention to these things... my lawyer was there and I needed to talk with him about changes in management blah blah blah... and I thought it might be a good way to get trashed on someone else's dime.

Anyhoo... he suggests a stop somewhere... talk with another client. Next thing I know I'm in the middle of an accidental drug buy gone bad. Somehow I'm holding a brick of coke, running at full speed in a town I don't know, and not wanting to drop it because I'm realizing

A) it is fully cellophaned and this will be a perfect recording of my finger prints.

B) some kid is going to find it and overdose on it

C) did I mention I'm gonna get raped in jail while serving my life sentence for trafficking because I'm more than Man-Pretty... I'm Man-Beautiful. Seriously. Ok, age has pulled off the sheen and density of my man-mane, but it works out in a rugged sorta way....

Where does the technology come into play... I'm running down the streets with a bag in my hands containing a brick of coke and a gun in a still sealed evidence ziplock. I have my iPhone out... fully charged just in case of events like this. I pull up googlemaps... satellite view... what buildings can I duck through... what it going to be a dead end. Click the FIND ME button... centers perfectly. It isn't real, it is magic. My earphones are firmly placed in my head, two clicks and my map changes into a communication device... Mr. Esquire Sleazypants Where Are You!!! No I Don't Know What Street I'm On... Edge Cuts Off When I Switch To Phone... what? Would I like to join wireless network LINKSYS (UNLOCKED) — YES DAMMIT YES... OK — maps are back up again... I'm on the corner of Hard Place and Rock... hiding under a stairway. Send me your location. Mr. Sleazypants has a hacked iPhone... it has a little more magic than mine... but if there was anything that Star Wars has ever taught us, it is that the dark side always has cooler toys. I get a notification that I am now subscribed to Sleazy's current location... the mail program is pretty cool... I can click a link and it will send me right into the map... I click ROUTE TO CURRENT LOCATION... DAMMIT! He is going the opposite direction.

Sixteen blocks to the south. There are a few one-ways... cool... traffic view is working... it appears a few blocks north is a major artery... lots of movement... and would be a great meeting place. SEARCH RESTARAUNT... google asks DID YOU MEAN RESTAURANT, BECAUSE THIS IS A COMMON WORD AND YOU REALLY SHOULD LEARN TO SPELL IT RIGHT? *YES DAMMIT YES*... Look for Country Ruth's Soul Kitch'n.
I shout the directions to him... from the emails, it appears he is still going the wrong direction, but is slowly righting himself.
No can do... give me twenty minutes and I'll let you know, sleazo says. I spend the next twenty planning my route. Police sirens going on around me, still looking for whatever gang was shooting earlier in the evening, and I catch up with a few emails. Actually write a few tech-support postings to my forums... I'm helping with a new synthesizer that is being released next month and getting some information out... it is like magic. I can be on the run from the po'po and the crips and still be connected to my virtual world.

Tell you what: after reading the above, I think maybe it's best I defer upgrading from my eons-old Nokia 6230 for a decade or two.

February 12, 2008 at 04:01 PM | Permalink


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Posted by: Flautist | Feb 12, 2008 7:03:20 PM

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