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June 11, 2008

BehindTheMedspeak: USB Home Pregnancy Test


From the website:

    USB Home Pregnancy Test

    Carbon-Based Lifeforms Detected

    One line or two — yes or no.

    Pregnancy tests are binary by their very nature.

    So when we found p-Teq's USB Pregnancy Test Kit that's chock full of extra scientific information, we knew we had to get this geeky goodness to our potentially spawning fans.

    The process starts off like most pregnancy tests.

    You pee on a stick — specifically the absorbent test strip at one end.

    But everything's different after that first step.

    Remove the cap from the other end of the stick (cleverly provided to keep you from accidentally contaminating the wrong end) to reveal the USB connector.

    Pop it in your computer.

    The power from your USB port starts the electrospray ionization process, creating a spectrograph of the various masses for your analysis.

    Get it? Your analysis? Urinalysis? *rimshot* Moving on.

    You don't actually get to see the spectrograph yourself — the mass analysis happens inside the device.

    And p-Teq's device only analyzes for specific chemical makeups, so you don't have to worry about this thing busting you for that "poppy seed bagel" you had yesterday.

    The mass spectrometry software on the device comes with several sequenced hormones, including hCG (human Chorionic Gonadotropin), hCG-H (hyperglycosylated hCG — for detection before your first missed period), and LH (luteinizing hormone — for detection of your most fertile days).

    We like the fact that it does all three.

    After all, if you're not pregnant and you wanna be, you need to know if now's the time to be gettin' it on.

    While most home tests can detect a level of 15-50 mIU/mL of hCG, the enhanced methodology of the USB Pregnancy Test Kit can detect 5-50 mIU/mL — and it will show you the exact concentration via its friendly onscreen interface [below].

    In addition, the LCD display on the device itself will light up and show you the symbol of a baby, no baby, or multiples and your Estimated Delivery Date based on the concentration of hCG, hCG-H, and LH in your urine.

    So you can clear your calendar in advance.

    After you're done reviewing your test results, just pop the device out of your computer and change the test strip.

    The display will remain lit for five minutes and then automatically power off.

    Note: We recommend the use of horizontal USB drives for this product to prevent accidental moisture transference.


    • 99% accuracy

    • USB 2.0 compatible

    • 20 test strips included

    • Plug and play — easy operation

    • No batteries required — draws power from USB

    • Operating Systems: Win 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, Linux 2.4 or higher; Mac OS 8.6 or higher





Stop press at 5:19 p.m. Thursday, June 12 — reader jennie just asked, in a comment on this post, "OK seriously, is this a joke product? Watch what happens when you add to cart or wishlist."

Sure fooled me.

Which isn't saying a whole lot.

But my crack research team's gonna get a serious thrashing soon as I finish this addendum.

What a bunch of losers.

June 11, 2008 at 04:01 PM | Permalink


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I've worked with spectrometers since my sophomore year in college back in '98. While I was reading I was like "there's no way this is commercially feasible; spectrometers are spensive as hell and a spectrometer of this size and electrical specs must be NASA/DOD tech. Even though, it is so well written that, until I reached the price tag and the subsequent clarification---I was all over this... I'm getting married within a few months.

Posted by: Robert | Jun 12, 2008 8:20:37 PM

ok seriously is this a joke product? watch what happens when you add to cart or wishlist.

Posted by: jennie | Jun 12, 2008 4:54:31 PM

Haha love the "Send us your action shots!" button on the site.

Posted by: jennie | Jun 12, 2008 4:50:28 PM

What will they think of next? Makes you kinda wonder what other things they'll be plugging into USB ports?

Posted by: Milena | Jun 12, 2008 8:49:43 AM

Ha ha. I guess you could get them right back by sending in an "This product in action" shot like they request on the sidebar. EWWWW.

Posted by: beth | Jun 11, 2008 9:20:57 PM

if you was furtellise by spase alyen wil itstill work?
How longdo i kep it unde r my tong?
he bettr senme some $$ from marrs isall i cansay if im havinn thet litlbasturd

Posted by: patsy | Jun 11, 2008 4:27:52 PM

Holy Test Strip! Wish I had one of these back in the day. And the kicker is the price. It blows away any other method. I'll have to get one for my newly married son. =)

Posted by: mattp9 | Jun 11, 2008 4:24:11 PM

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