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December 12, 2008

Firm Grip — Spray-On Buttocks Adhesive


My crack research team finally did it.

They actually made me smile.

Wrote Dave Barry, "This is the same professional-grade buttocks adhesive used by all of your top beauty pageant contestants, as well as 65% of the players in the National Football League."

From the product website:

    Firm Grip

    Also known as the infamous "butt spray" or "butt glue" — every pageant girl needs it!

    When you have to keep things in place while on the runway this is the MUST HAVE product.

    Pageant contestants use this spray adhesive to keep their swimsuit in place.

    Guaranteed to last you through thousands of pageants.

    Order your can today.


"Thousands of pageants" — I wonder what the record is?


If you're willing to think outside the swimsuit space, softballjunk.com will sell you the identical product — used to get a better grip on the bat in that alternative universe — for $9.95.

December 12, 2008 at 11:01 AM | Permalink


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Oh, it's used to keep the SWIMSUIT in place... I thought it was used to keep the BUTTOCKS in place. Okay. 'Cause I was gonna have to declare a Firm Grip challenge -- there ain't enough Firm Grip on earth to keep mine in place. But it's all cleared up now. Never mind.

Posted by: Flautist | Dec 12, 2008 12:38:19 PM

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