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September 12, 2009

The Philosophy of Kissing


Aristotelian kiss:
a kiss performed using techniques gained solely from theoretical speculation untainted by any experiential data, by one who feels that the latter is irrelevant anyway.

Gödelian kiss:
a kiss that takes an extraordinarily long time, yet leaves you unable to decide whether you've been kissed or not.

Grouchoic kiss:
a kiss given by someone who will only kiss those who would not kiss him or her.

Heisenbergian kiss:
a hard-to-define kiss — the more it moves you, the less sure you are of where the kiss was; the more energy it has, the more trouble you have figuring out how long it lasted. Extreme versions of this type of kiss are known as "virtual kisses" because the level of uncertainty is so high that you're not quite sure if you were kissed or not. Virtual kisses have the advantage, however, that you need not have anyone else in the room with you to enjoy them.

Kantian kiss:
a kiss that, eschewing inferior "phenomenal" contact, is performed entirely on the superior "noumenal" plane; though you don't actually feel it at all, you are, nonetheless, free to declare it the best kiss you've ever given or received.

Wittgensteinian kiss:
the important thing about this type of kiss is that it refers only to the symbol (our internal mental representation we associate with the experience of the kiss — which must necessarily also be differentiated from the act itself for obvious reasons and which need not be by any means the same or even similar for the different people experiencing the act) rather than the act itself and, as such, one must be careful not to make unwarranted generalizations about the act itself or the experience thereof based merely on our manipulation of the symbology therefor.

Zenoian kiss:
your lips approach, closer and closer, but never actually touch.

[via Milena]

September 12, 2009 at 02:01 PM | Permalink


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