Gail Ann Barns — The most extraordinary obituary I've ever read

Written by her son Jim, it appeared in yesterday's Daily Progress.

Once I started reading I simply could not stop.

It follows.

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Gail Ann Barns

Gail Ann Barns, 93, went into that good night, on Friday, October 16, 2009, at the Colonnades Health Center. For weeks she had been fading. That morning after having a cup of yogurt from her devoted caretaker of four years, Hope Williams, Hope's "Sleeping Beauty" was gone.

She was born in Hot Springs, Arkansas. Her father took the McCuskey family from Ohio to be a business manager of a rice plantation. Her father bought her a country fiddle. Gail took to the violin and when the family returned to Ohio in her teens, she was on her way to stardom.

The devotion to the violin called for sacrifices she later regretted. Also, there was an uneven duality in her life, publicly acclaimed and privately neglected. Gail and her three siblings at different times were sent away to live with relatives or at boarding schools. This had significant effects on her emotional makeup.

She went from Columbus, Ohio, to the premier music school in the country, Juilliard, in New York City. Due to lack of money and perhaps the aggressive competition she faced, this dreamy young woman returned to Ohio after one year. At a church choir rehearsal, she met an earnest young man, Jim Barns. They were married and spent the first difficult year living with her in-laws in Shaker Heights. It was wartime, and they moved to Gary, Indiana, where Jim worked in a steel mill.

In Mansfield, Ohio, Ann Gail Barns was born. Thus began the greatest challenge of Gail's life. She recalled Ann's intrepid personality. As a toddler, she would be at the beach and run into the waves. Her brother describes her as a combination of a powerful will and great vulnerability.

Though there was a gap between mother and daughter that never closed, Gail and Jim were heroic in their efforts to help Ann, tutors, different schools, and sports chauffeuring. Once Jim was in college, they moved to New York City so Ann would have access to art school.

Later, when Ann's condition became dire, she went into a premier mental hospital, McLean, in Belmont, Massachusetts. That commitment used up all their money. Her mother believed it made all the difference in Ann's stabilizing.

Ann last saw her parents in 1992. The visit was brief, Ann always had to be in control. A master of social services available and an accomplished artist, Ann, 67, is today ever upbeat and in motion. Her parents, with sad resignation, had come to accept the state of things, taking consolation that Ann was okay, and all their efforts made a difference.

Jim Jr. was born in 1946 in Cleveland. Jim went into sales work with large chemical companies. This work took them to West Orange, New Jersey, then to Towson, Maryland, and then, in a big step up, a premier community, Bronxville, New Jersey...Gail engineered that. Given its wealth and Ivy League outlook, it was a stretch. She loved this genteel community. She returned to the violin with an informal group. At church, she celebrated those thoughtful, personable people. Discussion groups, retreats, etc., one of the highlights of her life was teaching sixth grade girls. They were sweet and responsive. She took up painting and was good at it in a methodical way, she loved the classes. An intense bridge player blossomed.

After the move to the city, there were hard times. On a remarkably dark day, Jim dropped out of college, Ann ran away from McLean and Jim Sr. lost his job. He and a comrade blew the whistle on an unethical boss and they got fired. After 20 years with the company, he had lost his pension. These stresses and the dynamics of their marriage led to a crisis. The marriage survived. The center held to the benefit of all. In a liberating move for Jim, they moved to Florida, where Jim had longed to be. Again, Gail engineered the selection, Naples. They found a modest but pleasant house in a town known for its millionaires.

Jim showed remarkable steadfastness in the face of a sometimes brutal market place. Gail with intensity worked the stock market, and built up their savings from nothing. She also took a job. Dressed to the nines, she would get on a bike and awkwardly ride up Route 41 (Naples' 29) to a high end department store, where she worked in the gift department. In retrospect, that image of her taking off on that bike represents tenacity and doing what you have to do. The job itself was perfect for her. Her older sister once said that Gail lived in a "glass menagerie world", and there it was, (That effort is a reminder of this mother taking her young son to a World Series game at Yankee Stadium. They had gotten terribly lost and arrived near game time. Normally not a street wise sort, Gail saw a policeman was taking bribes for parking spaces and she nailed him. A spot was hers and no bribe. Don't mess with a mother looking out for her child!) As a non-athlete, she took up tennis. She was very tight and took these huge swings and misses, but she loved it. Her attitude was admirable.

They were very pleased that their son, Jim, at 40, married Rebecca Beall. His evolution had been slow, much due to a condition yet understood, five years later, with stability established, they had a child, Hayden Corinne Barns, this was especially fulfilling for her grandparents at this point in time.

Jim Sr. continued working well past retirement age, but he was faltering. In retrospect, the Alzheimers was obvious. Neighbors called greatly concerned about Gail and Jim. After a harrowing day on the phone from Charlottesville, Jim Jr. got help for them. They moved into a retirement home, but soon there was a report of Jim's inappropriate behavior.

In 1999, their son drove them up to Our Lady of Peace. After a few years, Jim went to live at a wonderful Mennonite home, Mountainview, in Madison County. After a year, he died in September, 2003. For Gail, there was much emotional discontent and several moves. There were trips to the emergency room. The most serious came after four traumatic seizures. Each diminished her mental capacity. There was a benevolent aspect to this. She was released of regrets over unfulfilled potentials, resentments, etc., that slanted her outlook. After the last seizure, she could not return to Rosewood Village and the blessed intervention of Karen Leake and Wendy Hartsook, she was able to stay in one of the two Medicaid beds at the Colonnades. A place Gail would have chosen.

For her son, this is her legacy: From neither of my parents did I learn much about being in the world, in practical or survival terms, that was up to me, the hard way. What they gave me was of much more value, unconditional love. The 1970's were an emotional roller coaster for me. Sometimes the only recourse was to make that long drive to Naples. Not only was the sanctuary crucial, that love lives inside. It shines forth in being a happy, positive person. Another appreciation is my mother's enjoyment of lively, sometimes offbeat people. Though, in general, a cautious person, she took to some live wires, funny, and free spirits. She also was a generous person. Several times in Bronxville, she would bring home foreigners she had met. One charming young guy from Colombia stayed with us for two weeks. Finally, she was a teammate in my quest to go to Williams College. A success that has given me a wonderful association over the years.

Living in Charlottesville are her son Jim, wife Rebecca, and daughter, Hayden. Ann lives in Arlington, Massachusetts. Gail's older sister lives in Deland, Florida, and her younger sister, Mary Jo, lives in Pataskala, Ohio. She was a loving hostess and companion to Gail in Florida. An older brother, Walton, died in a car crash int the 1950's. Their father died in a crash long ago.

Gail had big disappointments in her life, but ultimately she was a strong-willed survivor, and she should have felt good about the difference she made in her children's lives.

Deep appreciation goes to Hope and the staff at the Colonnades. They appreciated Gail, and their friendliness made all those visits so comfortable. They will be missed. Rebecca and Hayden have been true blue teammates for the last 10 years.

Preddy Funeral Home of Madison County handled the arrangements. There is no service planned.