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August 2, 2011

BehindTheMedspeak: The rise of concierge medicine — and my response


So recently I read yet another story about how physicians are abandoning their traditional practices with hordes of unhappy patients crowding their waiting rooms in favor of prepaid concierge practices, which feature fat retainers paid by the affluent to receive 24/7 care without waiting or red tape.

I like it.

As my residents used to say to me when I was an intern, "Here's what I'm gonna do for you."

It was never good, what followed.

But I digress.

As of today, this very minute in fact this very zeptosecond, bookofjoe is now a concierge medical practice.

That's right: this is the online world's first boutique medical website in which the doctor's not only in but on — the treadmill.

'But wait, joe," you say — 'isn't that illegal?"

Practicing medicine from atop a moving treadmill?

Show me the statute, counselor.

Now where was I?

Oh, yeah, statutes of limitations.


Hold on while I rewind the tape...

Ah, yes, my MIB (Mint in brain) brand spanking new boutique practice.

"Don't you have to see someone in person in order to establish a doctor-patient relationship?"

How about if I see right through you — does that work for you?

'Cause it does for me.

I'm betting you don't have to actually "see" a person 1) if the practice doesn't charge and 2) if you're not practicing medicine but instead opining on hypotheticals.

Because, in the end, it's all a story, isn't it?

So there you have it: this upscale, exclusive medical practice is free — but only for bona-fide bookofjoe readers.

Cheap at twice the price.

August 2, 2011 at 12:01 PM | Permalink


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Posted by: Flautist | Aug 3, 2011 1:55:05 AM

Didn't Elvis have a private doctor, a Dr. Nichopoulos? And, wasn't Dr. Conrad Murray playing with one of your meds as the private physician to the artist formerly known as Michael Jackson?

According to Keith Richard's autobiography, the 'Stones had a "private physician" on one of their 1970 tours - he wanted a suite and a constant supply of groupies (a/k/a "band aides" per Cameron Crowe).

BOJ Groupies might be a frightening lot- and three of them are in my family!

Posted by: 6.02*10^23 | Aug 3, 2011 12:10:06 AM

Sign me up, doc. Now, quick, send me some treatment: I have a bad case of Acute Joe-Headedness.

Posted by: Tara | Aug 2, 2011 11:22:12 PM

Oh, yeah - I'm also suffering from an addiction to dihydrogen monoxide. Sometimes I find myself adulterating my substance of abuse with Camellia sinensis and C. canephora. Can I have a 'script? What is the optimal consumption in deciliters/kg at 37c ambient?

Posted by: 6.02*10^23 | Aug 2, 2011 9:05:11 PM

I'm suffering from pseudocyesis. Apparently 17 other cases have been noted in the literature. See, http://bit.ly/nbR2gM

My medical question: what do I name it?

Posted by: 6.02*10^23 | Aug 2, 2011 8:57:48 PM

Um...I need to speak to you. Hypothetically. Through email.

Posted by: Becs | Aug 2, 2011 5:22:09 PM

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