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February 16, 2013

Helpful Hints from joeeze: Sheet grippers will improve your sleep — or your money back*


I don't know how long ago I discovered these nifty little devices — maybe 20 years? — but ever since I bought a set and installed them on my bed, my slumber's been a thing of beauty.

Long story short: They stretch your sheets so you end up sleeping on some might tighty whities (or colors, pastels, or patterns — they work equally well on sheets that weren't — or in your case, kemo sabe, once were but now aren't — white. Heh. Yeah, they actually are pretty disgusting. Good thing you never turn the overhead light on. Hah — gotcha!).

But I digress.

A set of four costs $8.49.

I recommend two sets so that you can put two on each side of the mattress to really tension things up.

So simple, and yet so very effective.

Lagniappe: no moving parts.

I always take two sets when I travel and install them as soon as I get to the room with the bed I'm gonna be sleeping on.

I do this because when it's late and you're tired, there's a tendency to say the heck with it, I'm sure the sheets are fine.


Too many times I've had trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep in already foreign beds because the sheets aren't smooth and tight like at home.

Shape up: Think like an anesthesiologist.


*Yes, you read that right: if your sleep doesn't improve after installing these clever doohickies, simply email me and I will refund TWICE what you paid for them.

That's the bookofjoe Way®™©: No one should ever fear being hung out to dry after taking one of my half-assed suggestions and then finding its promise to have fallen short of expectations.

Try asking for your money back from other sites under similar circumstances: now THAT'S funny!

February 16, 2013 at 12:01 AM | Permalink


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Save your time and energy: I've tried binder clips and their ilk and they don't work. They cannot withstand the enormous force of the sheet under tension and explode off the raised bead.

Trust me on this (I'm a doctor).

Posted by: bookofjoe | Feb 16, 2013 1:43:34 PM

Binder clips may not look as chic but I'll see if they can approximate the feeling. If so, then I will buy this.

Posted by: AG | Feb 16, 2013 12:34:38 PM

"spray starch"

Posted by: 6.02*10^23 | Feb 16, 2013 9:08:45 AM

Some kit to add to your treadmill would solve this problem.

An ironing board. Old fashioned sprat starch. An iron. Your sheets.

Starched cotton or linen sheets stay flat - until they don't - that's when you wash them.

Mom used to starch and iron sheets on Sundays, after completing the Times (I would pick up the Sunday Times at 9:00 pm on Saturday evenings while taking my Golden Retriever, Chris, for his nightly walk) puzzle. Four sets of sheets (master bedroom, mine and my two sisters beds) took her less than an hour.

If a busy shrink can do it, why not a gas-passer?

Me? I jumped the track and sleep on renewable Bamboo sheets. They feel like a textured linen without the need to iron them.

Posted by: 6.02*10^23 | Feb 16, 2013 9:08:13 AM

Looks like they won't work on a Tempurpedic, since it requires the roped seam. Ah well.

Posted by: tamra | Feb 16, 2013 4:02:19 AM

These things are fantastic! My mother told me about them even MORE than 20 years ago and I don't know how I ever managed a night's sleep before then. I had been using those stupid thin sheets of foam stuff that you stretch over the corners of the mattress to (supposedly) anchor the fitted sheet in place, which quickly become totally useless. I recommend three of these gadgets on each side and two on each end. However, depending on how your mattress is made and what kind of shape it's edges are in, forcing them onto the beading so they don't pop off can be a real bitch. Also, when they start getting old and brittle they'll crack wide open in cold weather (as two of mine did just a couple of days ago). Otherwise, outstanding.

Posted by: Flautist | Feb 16, 2013 1:02:07 AM

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